1
00:00:16,054 --> 00:00:18,545
Oh, honey, you don't look so good.

2
00:00:19,474 --> 00:00:21,051
You should stay home from brunch.

3
00:00:21,142 --> 00:00:22,850
- Are you sure?
- Mmm.

4
00:00:22,977 --> 00:00:24,257
I really want to go.

5
00:00:24,353 --> 00:00:26,310
You stay and rest.

6
00:00:26,397 --> 00:00:28,970
You can see Grandma when we get back.

7
00:01:06,933 --> 00:01:09,222
Thank you, Videobarn dumpster.

8
00:01:36,960 --> 00:01:38,869
<i>Wanna fuck me, baby?</i>

9
00:01:39,212 --> 00:01:40,410
Oh, yes. Yeah.

10
00:01:40,505 --> 00:01:42,165
<i>You wanna fuck me?</i>

11
00:01:46,969 --> 00:01:50,172
Hey, Erik. Do you know if your dad
still has my clippers?

12
00:01:50,264 --> 00:01:53,099
I have no idea, Mr. Williams.

13
00:01:53,183 --> 00:01:56,018
All right. Go back to what you were doing.

14
00:01:57,729 --> 00:01:59,556
(LAWNMOWER WHIRRING)

15
00:01:59,856 --> 00:02:01,848
<i>You wanna fuck me, baby?</i>

16
00:02:06,695 --> 00:02:07,775
<i>Yeah.</i>

17
00:02:15,287 --> 00:02:17,409
(WOMAN MOANING)

18
00:02:18,748 --> 00:02:20,990
<i>Yeah. Fuck me, baby.</i>

19
00:02:21,417 --> 00:02:22,792
Yes, please.

20
00:02:24,670 --> 00:02:26,662
<i>Oh, do me, baby.</i>

21
00:02:26,797 --> 00:02:27,828
<i>Honey.</i>

22
00:02:27,965 --> 00:02:29,791
<i>Yeah, just like that.</i>

23
00:02:29,883 --> 00:02:33,168
<i>Oh, yeah! So good, so good, baby.</i>

24
00:02:33,344 --> 00:02:34,755
<i>Oh, yeah!</i>

25
00:02:37,014 --> 00:02:38,556
I told you I was paying.

26
00:02:38,641 --> 00:02:41,345
So what's the difference
if you forgot the coupon?

27
00:02:41,435 --> 00:02:43,013
Honey, she doesn't like to waste money.

28
00:02:43,103 --> 00:02:45,226
There's no way I'm letting you pay full price

29
00:02:45,314 --> 00:02:48,978
when there's a two-for-one coupon
sitting on the counter.

30
00:02:49,067 --> 00:02:50,182
I'll be right out.

31
00:02:50,276 --> 00:02:52,399
I'm coming, too. Now I gotta pee.

32
00:02:52,487 --> 00:02:53,566
I'll check on Erik.

33
00:02:53,654 --> 00:02:54,734
ERIK: Oh, yeah.

34
00:02:54,822 --> 00:02:56,565
<i>Oh. Oh, that's good.</i>

35
00:02:56,657 --> 00:02:58,946
- You like that? I like that, too.
- <i>Oh, yeah!</i>

36
00:03:00,160 --> 00:03:01,239
HARRY: Here we go.

37
00:03:01,328 --> 00:03:02,359
MOTHER: Okay, Mom.

38
00:03:02,454 --> 00:03:04,281
- <i>Harder.</i>
- Harder? Okay.

39
00:03:04,372 --> 00:03:05,487
<i>Oh, yeah! So good.</i>

40
00:03:05,582 --> 00:03:07,373
- Like this?
- <i>Yeah, right there, babe.</i>

41
00:03:07,459 --> 00:03:08,739
- Like this? Like this?
- <i>Yeah.</i>

42
00:03:08,835 --> 00:03:10,377
<i>Baby, do me just like that.</i>

43
00:03:11,754 --> 00:03:12,833
Okay, attagirl.

44
00:03:14,089 --> 00:03:16,082
- From behind?
- <i>Oh, yeah, baby! Harder!</i>

45
00:03:16,175 --> 00:03:17,550
- Okay.
- All right.

46
00:03:18,177 --> 00:03:19,968
- <i>You wanna cum for me, baby?</i>
- Oh, yeah.

47
00:03:20,053 --> 00:03:22,046
- <i>Yeah? Cum for me, baby.</i>
- I'm so close. I will.

48
00:03:22,138 --> 00:03:23,218
MOTHER: We're almost there.

49
00:03:23,306 --> 00:03:24,385
<i>You're gonna cum for me?</i>

50
00:03:24,474 --> 00:03:25,636
I'm about to. I'm about to.

51
00:03:25,725 --> 00:03:27,219
<i>That's it, baby.</i>

52
00:03:28,519 --> 00:03:30,725
(SCREAMING)

53
00:03:39,988 --> 00:03:41,612
Grandma. Grandma.

54
00:03:43,491 --> 00:03:45,033
HARRY: Grandma.

55
00:03:47,453 --> 00:03:49,611
<i>ERIK: And that's the day</i>
<i>my grandmother died.</i>

56
00:03:49,705 --> 00:03:52,955
<i>And it's pretty much the story of my life.</i>
<i>But let me back things up a little bit.</i>

57
00:04:00,298 --> 00:04:03,334
<i>That's me. Not exactly the life of the party.</i>

58
00:04:06,512 --> 00:04:08,219
<i>That's my buddy, Mike Coozeman.</i>

59
00:04:08,305 --> 00:04:11,923
<i>Everybody calls him Cooze</i>
<i>'cause that's all he's ever interested in.</i>

60
00:04:12,017 --> 00:04:15,468
<i>Cooze is a self-proclaimed ladies' man</i>
<i>and a legend in his own mind.</i>

61
00:04:15,562 --> 00:04:16,890
<i>Sometimes his methods are...</i>

62
00:04:16,979 --> 00:04:18,355
(GROANS)

63
00:04:18,439 --> 00:04:19,898
<i>questionable.</i>

64
00:04:21,609 --> 00:04:22,984
Very smooth.

65
00:04:23,652 --> 00:04:25,858
Oh, please. I consider that foreplay.

66
00:04:25,946 --> 00:04:27,025
Where's Ryan?

67
00:04:27,114 --> 00:04:28,145
I don't know.

68
00:04:28,240 --> 00:04:32,866
Last time I saw him,
he was dancing with Stacey and Shelly.

69
00:04:34,454 --> 00:04:37,075
<i>ERIK: That's my best friend, Ryan Grimm.</i>

70
00:04:37,957 --> 00:04:40,115
<i>I don't know how he does it.</i>

71
00:04:42,461 --> 00:04:45,497
See, I told you there was enough
for both of you.

72
00:04:45,589 --> 00:04:46,833
<i>He moved here in second grade.</i>

73
00:04:46,923 --> 00:04:50,707
<i>Believe it or not, back then,</i>
<i>I was the one showing him the ropes.</i>

74
00:04:50,802 --> 00:04:52,509
<i>Now he's the quarterback</i>
<i>of the football team,</i>

75
00:04:52,595 --> 00:04:54,836
<i>and the coolest guy in school.</i>

76
00:04:54,930 --> 00:04:58,097
Hey, I brought you a vodka and ginger ale
so it won't upset your stomach.

77
00:04:58,183 --> 00:05:00,472
Oh, thanks.

78
00:05:00,560 --> 00:05:03,514
<i>That's my girlfriend, Tracy.</i>

79
00:05:04,189 --> 00:05:05,766
<i>We met in Biology, junior year.</i>

80
00:05:05,857 --> 00:05:08,811
TEACHER: Now make the first
incision into your frogs.

81
00:05:09,568 --> 00:05:13,186
Cut along the ventral side from the pelvic
to the pectoral girdle.

82
00:05:14,907 --> 00:05:15,986
Oh!

83
00:05:17,451 --> 00:05:19,277
<i>I don't know what she saw in me,</i>

84
00:05:19,369 --> 00:05:23,580
<i>but when I finally got up the nerve</i>
<i>to ask her out, she said yes.</i>

85
00:05:25,166 --> 00:05:28,250
<i>And for some reason,</i>
<i>she kept going out with me.</i>

86
00:05:29,545 --> 00:05:31,786
<i>It's like she totally gets me.</i>

87
00:05:33,674 --> 00:05:35,832
<i>And I try my best to get her.</i>

88
00:05:42,348 --> 00:05:44,921
Come on. Take the low one. It's easy.

89
00:05:46,685 --> 00:05:47,848
(SIGHING)

90
00:05:47,936 --> 00:05:49,181
Screw it.

91
00:05:51,481 --> 00:05:53,106
(HORSE NEIGHING)

92
00:05:55,109 --> 00:05:56,189
Oh!

93
00:05:59,655 --> 00:06:01,363
Are you all right?

94
00:06:02,074 --> 00:06:05,359
I don't know.
Is it possible to break your ass?

95
00:06:05,619 --> 00:06:09,070
Okay, I promise I'll never make you
ride a horse again.

96
00:06:10,081 --> 00:06:14,079
<i>Looks like she's perfect, right?</i>
<i>There's just one problem.</i>

97
00:06:16,504 --> 00:06:20,999
<i>Tracy's not ready to have sex yet,</i>
<i>so that makes me a virgin.</i>

98
00:06:21,884 --> 00:06:25,133
<i>Now, being one of the only virgins in school</i>
<i>is bad enough,</i>

99
00:06:25,637 --> 00:06:27,760
<i>but it's even worse for me.</i>

100
00:06:29,807 --> 00:06:30,970
<i>Yup.</i>

101
00:06:31,267 --> 00:06:32,382
<i>I'm a Stifler.</i>

102
00:06:33,144 --> 00:06:35,635
<i>My cousins are the legendary Stifler boys.</i>

103
00:06:35,729 --> 00:06:40,438
<i>Steve, his brother, Matt,</i>
<i>and our other cousin, Dwight.</i>

104
00:06:41,651 --> 00:06:43,940
<i>You see, with my last name</i>
<i>comes responsibility,</i>

105
00:06:44,029 --> 00:06:46,733
<i>a reputation that I'm supposed to live up to.</i>

106
00:06:46,906 --> 00:06:50,524
<i>Unfortunately, I've let down the family name</i>
<i>on more than one occasion.</i>

107
00:06:50,618 --> 00:06:51,898
What's your problem, Erik?

108
00:06:51,994 --> 00:06:54,948
Your cousin would've helped me
steal this beer.

109
00:06:55,038 --> 00:06:58,656
Dude, a real Stifler
would have totally fucked that goat.

110
00:06:58,750 --> 00:07:02,664
If you were really a Stifler,
you would have nailed Tracy by now.

111
00:07:03,296 --> 00:07:04,541
<i>ERIK: Stifler.</i>

112
00:07:05,298 --> 00:07:09,081
<i>My name, my legacy, my curse.</i>

113
00:07:13,388 --> 00:07:16,389
I can't believe you killed your grandmother
from jerking off.

114
00:07:16,474 --> 00:07:18,134
The coroner's findings were inconclusive.

115
00:07:18,226 --> 00:07:20,977
Why are you still whacking it
to that dumpster porn?

116
00:07:21,062 --> 00:07:24,063
Yeah, why don't you just go on the Internet
like a normal person?

117
00:07:24,148 --> 00:07:26,022
Well, because my mom
put on that CyberNanny

118
00:07:26,108 --> 00:07:29,062
after you spent the entire night looking up
German fetish porn.

119
00:07:29,153 --> 00:07:31,394
Man, you are pathetic.

120
00:07:31,738 --> 00:07:34,407
You know who I blame for this? Tracy.

121
00:07:34,491 --> 00:07:35,985
What? Why?

122
00:07:36,075 --> 00:07:38,613
Because, if she would just give up
a little ass,

123
00:07:38,703 --> 00:07:42,996
then maybe you wouldn't be killing
your relatives with your money shot.

124
00:07:45,000 --> 00:07:49,958
Erik, you cannot graduate a virgin.
For Christ's sake, you're a Stifler.

125
00:07:57,595 --> 00:07:59,753
Hey, sweetie. How was your math class?

126
00:07:59,847 --> 00:08:02,254
It was all right. How was English?

127
00:08:02,349 --> 00:08:04,388
Pretty interesting, actually.

128
00:08:04,476 --> 00:08:06,053
You know that kid
that I always tell you about?

129
00:08:06,144 --> 00:08:09,311
- He was doing that pencil thing all...
- That's cool.

130
00:08:10,773 --> 00:08:11,971
You okay?

131
00:08:12,066 --> 00:08:13,525
Yeah, I'm fine.

132
00:08:15,152 --> 00:08:19,363
Erik, we've been dating for two years.
I know when something's bothering you.

133
00:08:19,448 --> 00:08:20,728
Nothing's wrong.

134
00:08:20,824 --> 00:08:23,575
I don't know why you think
you have this psychic ability to read me.

135
00:08:23,660 --> 00:08:26,032
Because I do. What is it?

136
00:08:26,996 --> 00:08:30,163
You're gonna think I'm an asshole.
Let's just forget about it.

137
00:08:30,249 --> 00:08:33,914
Come on, Erik, you know you can talk to me
about anything.

138
00:08:35,462 --> 00:08:36,873
All right.

139
00:08:42,051 --> 00:08:43,629
It's the sex.

140
00:08:44,887 --> 00:08:45,966
I mean,

141
00:08:46,055 --> 00:08:49,258
we've been together for two years.
Two years, Trace.

142
00:08:49,350 --> 00:08:51,722
I mean, when we were juniors,
it was one thing,

143
00:08:51,810 --> 00:08:53,470
but we're seniors now,
and this whole virgin thing

144
00:08:53,562 --> 00:08:56,053
is starting to have
some serious consequences.

145
00:08:56,148 --> 00:08:58,140
I mean, people are dying.

146
00:08:59,400 --> 00:09:01,108
I told you, I'm not ready yet.

147
00:09:01,194 --> 00:09:03,233
I am so ready.

148
00:09:03,571 --> 00:09:05,859
Can't I be ready enough for the both of us?

149
00:09:05,948 --> 00:09:07,857
It doesn't work that way.

150
00:09:07,950 --> 00:09:09,527
It should.

151
00:09:10,077 --> 00:09:12,567
I'm sorry, Erik.
I know how patient you've been.

152
00:09:12,662 --> 00:09:14,987
I know. It's just sometimes...

153
00:09:15,498 --> 00:09:16,529
What?

154
00:09:16,833 --> 00:09:20,700
Well, you're a girl.
It's a lot easier for you to be a virgin

155
00:09:20,795 --> 00:09:23,712
because the longer you stay a virgin,
the more pure and innocent you seem.

156
00:09:23,797 --> 00:09:25,173
The longer I stay a virgin,

157
00:09:25,257 --> 00:09:28,839
the more I become the laughingstock
of the entire school.

158
00:09:30,345 --> 00:09:32,219
I'm sorry, but... I mean...

159
00:09:32,305 --> 00:09:34,132
I'm sorry I brought it up.

160
00:09:34,265 --> 00:09:35,925
(BELL RINGING)

161
00:09:36,017 --> 00:09:38,389
I gotta go. I'll see you after school.

162
00:09:40,562 --> 00:09:41,642
Okay.

163
00:09:43,982 --> 00:09:45,013
Bye.

164
00:09:51,030 --> 00:09:54,114
I'm telling you, his dick was this big.

165
00:09:55,826 --> 00:09:58,234
NATALIE: What about Erik?
I bet he's got a big one.

166
00:09:58,328 --> 00:10:00,285
Well, Tracy wouldn't know.

167
00:10:00,372 --> 00:10:01,403
Whatever.

168
00:10:02,457 --> 00:10:05,209
Yeah, I guess it's pretty hard
to figure out dick size from dry humping.

169
00:10:05,293 --> 00:10:06,621
Brooke, that's mean.

170
00:10:06,711 --> 00:10:09,747
Just because I don't have a catalog
of the school's dick sizes like you,

171
00:10:09,839 --> 00:10:11,878
doesn't mean I don't know a thing or two.

172
00:10:11,966 --> 00:10:14,883
Okay, so how big is Erik's?

173
00:10:17,596 --> 00:10:18,675
See? Told you.

174
00:10:18,764 --> 00:10:20,139
Come on, Brooke.

175
00:10:20,223 --> 00:10:21,717
It's not like that with us.

176
00:10:21,808 --> 00:10:24,096
I mean, Erik's different.
He respects my boundaries.

177
00:10:24,185 --> 00:10:26,224
Well, you better give that boy
a reason to stick around,

178
00:10:26,312 --> 00:10:28,933
or he's gonna find a girl
with looser boundaries.

179
00:10:29,356 --> 00:10:30,519
Erik would never do that.

180
00:10:30,608 --> 00:10:32,232
Yeah, that's what you said about Trent.

181
00:10:32,317 --> 00:10:35,816
He broke up with you over sex,
and that was sophomore year.

182
00:10:35,904 --> 00:10:38,905
Yeah, this just isn't gonna
work without the sex.

183
00:10:39,574 --> 00:10:43,488
God, Trent is cute,
and I heard he just broke up with Holly.

184
00:10:44,412 --> 00:10:48,539
Look, Tracy, we love you, and we love Erik,
but let's get real.

185
00:10:48,999 --> 00:10:51,490
He's a guy, and guys have certain needs.

186
00:10:51,585 --> 00:10:55,416
They really do.
It's like a caveman thing or something.

187
00:10:55,505 --> 00:10:59,039
Yeah, I can't believe
you've kept him tied up this long.

188
00:10:59,967 --> 00:11:02,126
Hey, Erik, guess who I just talked to?

189
00:11:02,219 --> 00:11:03,298
Who?

190
00:11:03,387 --> 00:11:05,426
Your cousin Stifler up at Michigan.

191
00:11:05,514 --> 00:11:06,925
Why are you talking to my cousin Dwight?

192
00:11:07,015 --> 00:11:09,091
Oh, we talk all the time.

193
00:11:09,184 --> 00:11:10,559
What? We have a lot in common.

194
00:11:10,644 --> 00:11:12,470
What's that crazy bastard up to?

195
00:11:12,562 --> 00:11:16,310
He's in some fraternity,
and all those guys do is drink and fuck.

196
00:11:16,399 --> 00:11:19,150
And it just so happens that they're throwing
a monster party this weekend

197
00:11:19,235 --> 00:11:20,314
for the Naked Mile.

198
00:11:20,402 --> 00:11:21,517
What's the Naked Mile?

199
00:11:21,612 --> 00:11:23,403
Oh, dude, it's this thing
where thousands of students

200
00:11:23,489 --> 00:11:24,864
run naked through campus.

201
00:11:24,948 --> 00:11:27,154
It's the way of blowing off
steam after exams.

202
00:11:27,242 --> 00:11:29,033
Thousands of naked chicks?

203
00:11:29,119 --> 00:11:32,119
Stifler says that this party is gonna be epic.

204
00:11:32,205 --> 00:11:34,363
Bottom line is, this place is played out.

205
00:11:34,457 --> 00:11:35,785
High school's over for us.

206
00:11:35,875 --> 00:11:37,832
It's time to plant our flag in a new land.

207
00:11:38,252 --> 00:11:41,786
Porn, cumshot, dead grandmother,
grounded forever?

208
00:11:41,880 --> 00:11:42,959
Don't worry.

209
00:11:43,048 --> 00:11:46,333
Just tell your parents that, you know,
you're thinking about going to school there.

210
00:11:46,426 --> 00:11:48,335
- I don't know, man.
- Oh, please.

211
00:11:48,428 --> 00:11:51,049
Your mom cried when you told her
you were going to school in Boston.

212
00:11:51,138 --> 00:11:53,843
She'll probably help you pack
if she thinks it'll keep you close to home.

213
00:11:53,933 --> 00:11:55,177
I'll help you pack.

214
00:11:55,684 --> 00:11:56,929
I'll make sandwiches.

215
00:11:57,060 --> 00:11:58,140
Chicken salad?

216
00:11:58,228 --> 00:11:59,307
Of course.

217
00:11:59,396 --> 00:12:01,388
Are you gonna get a chance
to see your cousin?

218
00:12:01,481 --> 00:12:04,351
Yeah. We might stop by and say hello.

219
00:12:04,442 --> 00:12:07,312
Now, there's someone you
should definitely look up to.

220
00:12:07,403 --> 00:12:09,775
I bet he doesn't have time
to blow his load on his family.

221
00:12:09,864 --> 00:12:11,607
- Harry, please.
- HARRY: I don't understand.

222
00:12:11,699 --> 00:12:14,901
When I was your age,
I was up to my neck in poontang.

223
00:12:15,243 --> 00:12:17,450
I didn't have time to spank my monkey.

224
00:12:17,537 --> 00:12:20,906
Thank you for that very
disturbing image, Dad.

225
00:12:20,999 --> 00:12:24,866
I mean, Stiflers do not fake
being sick to stay home and pull dick.

226
00:12:24,961 --> 00:12:26,075
We cut class to get ass.

227
00:12:26,170 --> 00:12:28,542
Yes, I know.
That saying is on our family crest.

228
00:12:28,631 --> 00:12:30,504
Oh, don't let me forget
to pack the Imodium AD.

229
00:12:30,591 --> 00:12:31,919
You know, just in case you get diarrhea.

230
00:12:32,009 --> 00:12:33,918
- Mom.
- I am so excited.

231
00:12:34,010 --> 00:12:35,041
Aren't you excited, Harry?

232
00:12:35,136 --> 00:12:36,844
I'm very excited.

233
00:12:37,805 --> 00:12:39,465
Don't you get excited.

234
00:12:39,557 --> 00:12:40,932
<i>ERIK: It worked</i>
<i>just like you said.</i>

235
00:12:41,017 --> 00:12:43,970
She's helping me pack,
and she's even making us sandwiches.

236
00:12:44,061 --> 00:12:45,520
- Chicken salad?
- <i>Yup.</i>

237
00:12:45,604 --> 00:12:46,719
Sweet.

238
00:12:46,814 --> 00:12:48,557
See, I told you. Never doubt me.

239
00:12:48,857 --> 00:12:52,356
<i>RYAN: Man, this weekend is gonna be tits.</i>
<i>I can't wait to see Stifler.</i>

240
00:12:53,069 --> 00:12:55,821
Hey, how come you never call me Stifler?

241
00:12:56,239 --> 00:12:57,816
You're more of an Erik.

242
00:12:57,949 --> 00:12:59,063
(BEEPING)

243
00:12:59,158 --> 00:13:00,403
Hold on.

244
00:13:01,118 --> 00:13:02,577
That's Tracy. I'd better take it.

245
00:13:02,661 --> 00:13:03,740
All right, later.

246
00:13:06,748 --> 00:13:09,156
Hey, sweetie.
Listen, about today, I'm really...

247
00:13:09,250 --> 00:13:11,373
Erik, I wanna have sex.

248
00:13:12,295 --> 00:13:13,374
Excuse me?

249
00:13:13,880 --> 00:13:16,121
<i>TRACY: I wanna have sex.</i>

250
00:13:16,215 --> 00:13:17,330
Are you serious?

251
00:13:17,424 --> 00:13:18,753
Absolutely.

252
00:13:19,510 --> 00:13:22,463
Do you have me on a conference call?
Because if you do, that is so not cool.

253
00:13:22,554 --> 00:13:24,214
Erik, this isn't a joke.

254
00:13:24,848 --> 00:13:27,089
I want to have sex.

255
00:13:28,643 --> 00:13:31,216
Yes! Yes, yes.

256
00:13:31,771 --> 00:13:32,850
<i>TRACY: Tonight.</i>

257
00:13:32,938 --> 00:13:34,018
What?

258
00:13:34,106 --> 00:13:36,514
Tonight. I wanna have sex tonight.

259
00:13:37,109 --> 00:13:38,603
How am I supposed to get out of my house?

260
00:13:38,694 --> 00:13:40,104
<i>That's up to you.</i>

261
00:13:40,237 --> 00:13:43,985
But at midnight, I'll be in my basement

262
00:13:44,073 --> 00:13:45,698
waiting to be ravished.

263
00:13:46,159 --> 00:13:47,404
I'll be there.

264
00:14:09,638 --> 00:14:10,966
Hypocrite.

265
00:14:13,016 --> 00:14:15,803
So you get the beer and the weed,
and I'll handle the nitrous.

266
00:14:15,894 --> 00:14:17,767
You got it. What's Erik bringing?

267
00:14:17,854 --> 00:14:19,016
Sandwiches.

268
00:14:19,105 --> 00:14:22,723
Nice. Chicken salad and college pussy.

269
00:14:22,817 --> 00:14:24,441
My favorite combination.

270
00:14:24,527 --> 00:14:26,318
Yeah, well, at least you'll get to taste
the chicken salad.

271
00:14:26,403 --> 00:14:27,566
<i>Ow.</i>

272
00:14:27,654 --> 00:14:29,481
Hey, what do you think Erik's doing
right now?

273
00:14:29,573 --> 00:14:31,779
Probably beating off to dumpster porn.

274
00:14:32,492 --> 00:14:36,026
No more beating off to dumpster porn.
No more virgin jokes.

275
00:14:36,120 --> 00:14:38,445
Tonight, Erik Stifler becomes a man.

276
00:15:15,614 --> 00:15:17,357
- Hi.
- Come on in.

277
00:15:25,582 --> 00:15:26,826
- All right, listen.
- No.

278
00:15:27,667 --> 00:15:29,077
No talking.

279
00:15:33,797 --> 00:15:35,624
(SLOW MUSIC PLAYING)

280
00:15:55,442 --> 00:15:56,521
Wait.

281
00:15:56,609 --> 00:15:57,689
What?

282
00:15:57,777 --> 00:15:59,188
Did you hear something?

283
00:15:59,279 --> 00:16:02,943
No. Don't worry, my parents are passed out.

284
00:16:05,326 --> 00:16:08,196
Are you sure?
You know how my stomach gets.

285
00:16:08,996 --> 00:16:11,569
Here, I'll help you relax.

286
00:16:26,219 --> 00:16:28,426
You brought something, right?

287
00:16:30,557 --> 00:16:32,763
Oh, shit. I left it at home.

288
00:16:34,435 --> 00:16:36,475
I can run back and get it.
I'll be back in like five...

289
00:16:36,562 --> 00:16:39,100
No, no, don't worry. I've got one.

290
00:16:42,901 --> 00:16:45,309
Do you wanna put it on or should I?

291
00:16:45,570 --> 00:16:47,361
Let's put it on together.

292
00:17:05,338 --> 00:17:06,583
Are you ready?

293
00:17:07,423 --> 00:17:08,454
Yeah.

294
00:17:08,549 --> 00:17:09,878
(DOOR OPENING)

295
00:17:10,176 --> 00:17:13,675
Shit. Someone's coming.
Quick, get behind the bar. Now!

296
00:17:25,523 --> 00:17:27,729
Honey, what are you still doing up?

297
00:17:28,817 --> 00:17:29,932
Yoga.

298
00:17:30,444 --> 00:17:31,689
I ate too much at dinner.

299
00:17:31,778 --> 00:17:33,237
Why don't you take an Alka-Seltzer?

300
00:17:33,322 --> 00:17:35,065
Alka-Seltzer is for babies.

301
00:17:35,157 --> 00:17:36,615
I just need a nightcap.

302
00:17:36,700 --> 00:17:37,814
(FARTING)

303
00:17:39,953 --> 00:17:41,281
Excuse me.

304
00:17:41,370 --> 00:17:43,577
Sounds like you could use an Alka-Seltzer.

305
00:17:43,664 --> 00:17:45,787
Daddy. Here, let me get you your drink.

306
00:17:45,874 --> 00:17:47,997
No, that's okay, honey.
You go back to your yoga.

307
00:17:48,085 --> 00:17:49,709
No, Daddy, I really want to.

308
00:17:49,795 --> 00:17:52,879
Sweetie, I'm a grown man.
I can make my own drink.

309
00:18:05,559 --> 00:18:06,673
(RUSTLING)

310
00:18:07,894 --> 00:18:09,472
What was that?

311
00:18:10,355 --> 00:18:11,434
What was what?

312
00:18:11,523 --> 00:18:12,721
I didn't hear anything.

313
00:18:13,441 --> 00:18:16,525
There was a noise
coming from the laundry room.

314
00:18:46,221 --> 00:18:47,501
I must be hearing things.

315
00:18:47,597 --> 00:18:50,882
See, Daddy? I told you.
Now, come make your drink.

316
00:18:51,350 --> 00:18:52,630
(FARTING)

317
00:18:54,186 --> 00:18:55,265
What the...

318
00:19:00,734 --> 00:19:02,109
(GROANING)

319
00:19:04,028 --> 00:19:05,688
(SCREAMING)

320
00:19:11,535 --> 00:19:13,195
You all right, baby?

321
00:19:13,287 --> 00:19:14,781
I'm fine, Daddy.

322
00:19:28,425 --> 00:19:31,710
Oh, that sick bastard took
a shit in our dryer.

323
00:19:33,346 --> 00:19:35,054
I'm calling the police.

324
00:19:40,519 --> 00:19:42,428
(POLICE SIREN WAILING)

325
00:19:50,570 --> 00:19:52,812
Ryan? Ryan?

326
00:19:52,906 --> 00:19:54,945
Ryan, get up man. Ryan!

327
00:19:55,032 --> 00:19:56,574
What the fuck?

328
00:19:56,659 --> 00:19:58,283
It's me. It's Erik.

329
00:19:58,369 --> 00:20:01,239
Dude, why are you naked in my room?

330
00:20:02,873 --> 00:20:05,031
And with a rubber on your dick.

331
00:20:05,125 --> 00:20:07,201
Oh, yeah. Sorry about that.

332
00:20:08,128 --> 00:20:11,081
Look, I'm in serious trouble, okay?
I need your help.

333
00:20:11,172 --> 00:20:12,370
(SNIFFING)

334
00:20:13,049 --> 00:20:14,756
What's that smell?

335
00:20:15,176 --> 00:20:17,168
Did you step in dog shit?

336
00:20:17,845 --> 00:20:19,125
Yeah.

337
00:20:20,013 --> 00:20:23,180
Hey, man, thanks for the clothes.
I'll get them back to you.

338
00:20:23,266 --> 00:20:26,101
No, thanks. Why don't you just burn them?

339
00:20:26,186 --> 00:20:27,845
(POLICE SIREN WAILING)

340
00:20:27,937 --> 00:20:30,392
Wonder if I get a reward for turning you in.

341
00:20:30,648 --> 00:20:32,771
<i>NEWSREADER: If the alleged</i>
<i>improprieties are confirmed,</i>

342
00:20:32,858 --> 00:20:35,147
<i>it could be devastating for the White House.</i>

343
00:20:35,235 --> 00:20:36,979
<i>Sources near the</i>
<i>administration would neither</i>

344
00:20:37,070 --> 00:20:39,312
<i>confirm nor deny the allegations.</i>

345
00:20:39,406 --> 00:20:43,071
<i>And in local news, a masked burglar broke</i>
<i>into an area residence,</i>

346
00:20:43,159 --> 00:20:47,453
<i>defecated in the family dryer,</i>
<i>and then exposed himself to a teenage girl.</i>

347
00:20:47,538 --> 00:20:49,032
<i>Police are continuing the search,</i>

348
00:20:49,123 --> 00:20:51,993
<i>but the whereabouts and</i>
<i>identity of the perpetrator are unknown.</i>

349
00:20:52,084 --> 00:20:53,708
What is wrong with these people?

350
00:20:53,794 --> 00:20:55,371
<i>And now, Dakota Snow</i>
<i>with the weekend forecast.</i>

351
00:20:55,462 --> 00:20:56,541
I don't know.

352
00:21:05,096 --> 00:21:06,210
You scared me.

353
00:21:06,305 --> 00:21:07,550
Sorry.

354
00:21:08,015 --> 00:21:09,129
Listen, about last night...

355
00:21:09,224 --> 00:21:12,807
Yeah, you know,
I'd just really rather not talk about it.

356
00:21:13,019 --> 00:21:15,095
I really think that we should.

357
00:21:15,939 --> 00:21:18,939
Erik, you took a crap in my dryer.

358
00:21:19,066 --> 00:21:21,557
Your dad scared the shit out of me.

359
00:21:22,194 --> 00:21:23,475
- Wait.
- You know, let's just...

360
00:21:23,571 --> 00:21:25,646
Let's forget about it, okay?

361
00:21:27,866 --> 00:21:30,439
Okay, but what about the other thing?

362
00:21:33,413 --> 00:21:34,693
The sex?

363
00:21:35,540 --> 00:21:38,030
I'm taking last night as a sign from above.

364
00:21:38,167 --> 00:21:39,994
But maybe...
I mean, if your dad didn't come down...

365
00:21:40,085 --> 00:21:43,086
Erik, I love you. I'm just...

366
00:21:43,589 --> 00:21:45,166
I'm not ready yet.

367
00:21:45,757 --> 00:21:46,955
Really?

368
00:21:48,510 --> 00:21:49,708
Really.

369
00:21:49,928 --> 00:21:53,261
But I also realized just how ready you are.

370
00:21:54,181 --> 00:21:56,304
I don't wanna break up over sex.

371
00:21:56,392 --> 00:21:58,218
I don't think we have to.

372
00:21:59,186 --> 00:22:03,598
I'm not ready. You are.
It's selfish for me to keep you tied down.

373
00:22:05,442 --> 00:22:07,932
So, this is what I'm proposing.

374
00:22:09,237 --> 00:22:11,525
A guilt-free pass for this weekend.

375
00:22:11,614 --> 00:22:14,780
That means you can do
whatever you want up there

376
00:22:15,075 --> 00:22:17,198
with no consequences.

377
00:22:18,995 --> 00:22:20,739
You're sure about this?

378
00:22:20,997 --> 00:22:24,580
I don't think love and sex
have to be tied to each other,

379
00:22:25,543 --> 00:22:27,500
so I'm okay with this.

380
00:22:27,920 --> 00:22:31,123
One weekend. Get it out of your system,

381
00:22:32,508 --> 00:22:34,299
and come back to me.

382
00:22:35,802 --> 00:22:37,676
Is this some kind of a test?

383
00:22:38,930 --> 00:22:40,258
Not at all.

384
00:22:47,688 --> 00:22:49,431
- RYAN: and one of bomb beer.
- COOZE: Yes.

385
00:22:49,523 --> 00:22:50,768
See, this is perfect.

386
00:22:51,650 --> 00:22:53,274
Hey, we all set?

387
00:22:53,527 --> 00:22:54,985
I don't know.

388
00:22:55,070 --> 00:22:56,149
I told you he'd puss out.

389
00:22:56,237 --> 00:22:59,155
Tell me you at least
brought the sandwiches.

390
00:22:59,323 --> 00:23:01,067
What's the problem?

391
00:23:01,158 --> 00:23:02,866
There is no problem.

392
00:23:03,160 --> 00:23:05,532
Tracy just gave me
a guilt-free pass for the weekend,

393
00:23:05,621 --> 00:23:08,028
which means I can do anything I want.

394
00:23:08,123 --> 00:23:09,403
Anything?

395
00:23:10,500 --> 00:23:11,875
You mean...

396
00:23:11,960 --> 00:23:15,791
Yeah, she said
that love and sex don't have to be linked.

397
00:23:15,880 --> 00:23:17,540
She wants me to get it out of my system.

398
00:23:17,632 --> 00:23:22,459
Dude, your girlfriend just went from
the lamest to the coolest in one shot.

399
00:23:23,303 --> 00:23:25,426
You guys think it could be, like,
some sort of a test?

400
00:23:25,514 --> 00:23:27,755
- No, no.
- No, no.

401
00:23:27,849 --> 00:23:29,308
Tracy's a smart girl.

402
00:23:29,392 --> 00:23:31,100
She's mature enough to see
that you're a man...

403
00:23:31,185 --> 00:23:33,593
- Yeah.
...and you have certain needs.

404
00:23:33,688 --> 00:23:34,767
You think so?

405
00:23:34,855 --> 00:23:36,266
Absolutely.

406
00:23:37,233 --> 00:23:38,264
You're driving.

407
00:23:38,359 --> 00:23:40,849
Now get in the car
so we can go get you some random pussy.

408
00:23:42,029 --> 00:23:45,646
Gentlemen, it's Friday afternoon,
we've got a full tank of gas,

409
00:23:45,740 --> 00:23:48,065
a quarter ounce of weed,
three cases of beer,

410
00:23:48,159 --> 00:23:50,484
a ten-pound tank of nitrous,
we're underage...

411
00:23:50,578 --> 00:23:53,116
And I am too drunk to drive.

412
00:23:54,248 --> 00:23:55,279
Hit it.

413
00:23:56,250 --> 00:23:58,456
(HARD ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

414
00:24:16,893 --> 00:24:19,016
You sure this shit's safe?

415
00:24:19,145 --> 00:24:22,977
It's as safe as any other chemical
used to freeze-dry animals.

416
00:24:26,152 --> 00:24:27,895
Look at the size of that fucking chicken.

417
00:24:27,987 --> 00:24:29,018
Where?

418
00:24:29,113 --> 00:24:30,393
(TIRES SCREECHING)

419
00:24:31,990 --> 00:24:34,481
- RYAN: Whoa, what the fuck?
- What fucking chicken?

420
00:24:34,618 --> 00:24:36,859
Relax, he's hallucinating.

421
00:24:38,079 --> 00:24:40,071
Are you out of your fucking mind?

422
00:24:40,164 --> 00:24:42,999
Yeah, Tracy. What were you thinking?

423
00:24:43,084 --> 00:24:45,788
But you guys told me
I had to give him a reason to stick around.

424
00:24:45,878 --> 00:24:47,751
Yeah, you give him a reason,

425
00:24:47,838 --> 00:24:50,293
not give him a free pass
to go have a weekend orgy.

426
00:24:50,382 --> 00:24:51,710
You've got to stop this.

427
00:24:51,800 --> 00:24:55,215
If he has sex this weekend,
what do you think's gonna happen?

428
00:24:55,303 --> 00:24:56,548
That it will get it out of his system.

429
00:24:56,637 --> 00:24:58,381
Oh, yeah. That's how it works.

430
00:24:58,472 --> 00:25:00,797
He's gonna go from
getting laid back to dry humping.

431
00:25:00,891 --> 00:25:02,551
It's pretty risky, Tracy.

432
00:25:02,643 --> 00:25:06,058
Risky? It's a fucking Pandora's box, literally.

433
00:25:06,855 --> 00:25:11,184
And once he's felt
the soft pink velvet on the inside of the box,

434
00:25:11,276 --> 00:25:15,024
he's not gonna go back
to rubbing his dick on the outside of the lid.

435
00:25:15,112 --> 00:25:16,904
Never thought of it like that.

436
00:25:16,989 --> 00:25:19,195
Tracy, men are like dogs

437
00:25:19,283 --> 00:25:21,987
that run around and hump
anything they see.

438
00:25:22,077 --> 00:25:25,078
Now go and get your dog back on its leash.

439
00:25:41,678 --> 00:25:43,587
(CELLPHONE BUZZING)

440
00:25:48,226 --> 00:25:49,720
Come on, Erik.

441
00:25:55,982 --> 00:25:58,438
I knew it was too good to be true.

442
00:26:03,948 --> 00:26:06,783
Sorry, kids. It's for the best.

443
00:26:33,725 --> 00:26:34,804
Tracy?

444
00:26:35,810 --> 00:26:37,008
Oh, Mr. Levenstein.

445
00:26:37,103 --> 00:26:38,265
- Hi.
- Hi.

446
00:26:38,354 --> 00:26:40,181
You're back for more yoga.

447
00:26:40,272 --> 00:26:41,766
Well, my wife is hooked on it,

448
00:26:41,857 --> 00:26:46,815
and she thinks if I can be
a little more flexible, we can try some new...

449
00:26:48,405 --> 00:26:52,236
Have you ever heard of a book
called the <i>Kama Sutra</i>?

450
00:26:54,076 --> 00:26:55,108
No.

451
00:26:55,578 --> 00:26:57,451
Oh, well, my wife just got it,

452
00:26:57,538 --> 00:27:01,286
and there's some stuff in there that requires
some serious stretching,

453
00:27:01,375 --> 00:27:03,414
if you know what I mean.

454
00:27:04,002 --> 00:27:07,205
Are you okay, honey?
You look a little upset.

455
00:27:07,797 --> 00:27:10,751
Oh, you know, just some boyfriend stuff.

456
00:27:10,842 --> 00:27:13,048
Oh, boyfriend stuff.

457
00:27:13,636 --> 00:27:16,127
Well, if there's anything I can do.

458
00:27:17,055 --> 00:27:20,720
No offense or anything,
but I don't think you'd understand.

459
00:27:21,351 --> 00:27:22,726
Oh, I see.

460
00:27:23,728 --> 00:27:26,100
You know, my son had his fair share

461
00:27:26,189 --> 00:27:29,937
of relationship/sexual/

462
00:27:31,610 --> 00:27:33,852
pastry-related difficulties,

463
00:27:33,946 --> 00:27:38,358
and I think my advice
helped him over the years.

464
00:27:39,868 --> 00:27:43,532
Well, do you have any advice for a girl
dumb enough to give her virgin boyfriend

465
00:27:43,621 --> 00:27:46,112
a guilt-free pass for the weekend?

466
00:27:46,749 --> 00:27:49,666
I'm sorry, a guilt-free pass?

467
00:27:50,002 --> 00:27:53,335
That means he could do whatever he wants
this weekend with no consequences.

468
00:27:53,422 --> 00:27:55,331
Oh my!

469
00:27:55,715 --> 00:27:58,633
Well, that certainly sounds progressive,

470
00:27:59,302 --> 00:28:04,259
and a safe bet on what is probably gonna be
a humdrum weekend.

471
00:28:06,058 --> 00:28:08,631
He's at the Naked Mile this weekend.

472
00:28:08,810 --> 00:28:13,057
You gave your boyfriend a guilt-free pass
to the Naked Mile? Are you kidding me?

473
00:28:13,148 --> 00:28:16,433
Tracy, the Naked Mile is insane. You...

474
00:28:16,526 --> 00:28:20,190
From what I hear.
I wouldn't know from personal experience

475
00:28:20,279 --> 00:28:24,691
because I, you know,
I have nothing whatsoever to do with it.

476
00:28:24,783 --> 00:28:27,404
But, look, Tracy,

477
00:28:27,494 --> 00:28:30,744
even if your boyfriend is at this Naked Mile,

478
00:28:30,830 --> 00:28:33,831
it doesn't mean he's gonna do anything.

479
00:28:35,084 --> 00:28:36,163
Really?

480
00:28:36,252 --> 00:28:39,336
Well, just because he can,
doesn't mean he will.

481
00:28:40,589 --> 00:28:43,625
Relationships are all about trust.

482
00:28:46,845 --> 00:28:49,252
Yeah, I guess you're right.

483
00:28:50,056 --> 00:28:52,926
Well, <i>namaste</i>.

484
00:28:53,434 --> 00:28:54,679
<i>Namaste.</i>

485
00:29:12,660 --> 00:29:14,699
Hey, have you seen my phone?

486
00:29:14,787 --> 00:29:15,949
No.

487
00:29:16,038 --> 00:29:17,995
Maybe you left it back at school.

488
00:29:18,081 --> 00:29:20,038
No, no, I thought I put in my backpack.

489
00:29:23,878 --> 00:29:27,081
Hey, you wanna pull over
at that stop up ahead? I gotta take a piss.

490
00:29:27,173 --> 00:29:29,580
Just piss in a can or something.

491
00:29:31,093 --> 00:29:33,085
Man, I could cut my dick on the lip.

492
00:29:33,178 --> 00:29:34,637
Well, piss out the window.

493
00:30:01,412 --> 00:30:04,615
Love that breeze off the lake.

494
00:30:17,343 --> 00:30:19,549
COOZE: This place is incredible.

495
00:30:19,803 --> 00:30:22,887
Just think, next year
I'm gonna be going here.

496
00:30:22,973 --> 00:30:25,843
Yeah, thanks to Daddy
and his alumni connections.

497
00:30:25,934 --> 00:30:28,769
Fuck off.
I told you, I got in on my SAT scores.

498
00:30:28,853 --> 00:30:31,309
You scored five points
above being legally retarded.

499
00:30:31,397 --> 00:30:33,140
(RYAN AND ERIK LAUGHING)

500
00:30:33,232 --> 00:30:35,723
Whatever. Still got in.

501
00:30:36,902 --> 00:30:38,978
Hey, why does it smell like piss back here?

502
00:30:42,073 --> 00:30:44,232
RYAN: This is it. Beta Delta Xi.

503
00:30:44,325 --> 00:30:46,152
- ERIK: This is the house?
- RYAN: Yeah.

504
00:30:46,244 --> 00:30:47,275
Cool.

505
00:30:49,205 --> 00:30:50,236
Whoa.

506
00:30:56,753 --> 00:30:57,998
What's going on here?

507
00:30:58,088 --> 00:30:59,712
I have no idea.

508
00:31:07,805 --> 00:31:11,339
ALL: Drink. Drink. Drink. Drink.

509
00:31:16,479 --> 00:31:18,436
Drink. Drink. Drink. Drink.

510
00:31:18,523 --> 00:31:19,602
Hold your drink!

511
00:31:23,486 --> 00:31:24,766
MAN: Whoa.

512
00:31:31,118 --> 00:31:32,825
MAN: Okay.

513
00:31:33,453 --> 00:31:34,864
Yeah.

514
00:31:38,541 --> 00:31:40,996
How you feeling there, Stretch?

515
00:31:41,460 --> 00:31:42,705
Little dizzy?

516
00:31:44,213 --> 00:31:45,623
'Cause guess what?

517
00:31:45,923 --> 00:31:49,967
Stifler can drink this shit all day long.

518
00:31:52,470 --> 00:31:53,845
(ALL CHEERING)

519
00:31:55,348 --> 00:31:56,723
ALL: Stifler!

520
00:31:58,184 --> 00:32:00,472
Your cousin is my hero.

521
00:32:01,687 --> 00:32:03,145
(MAN WHISTLING)

522
00:32:03,230 --> 00:32:05,803
- All right, everybody freeze!
- Oh, shit.

523
00:32:05,899 --> 00:32:07,476
Campus security.

524
00:32:08,443 --> 00:32:10,352
Nobody takes another drink...

525
00:32:14,573 --> 00:32:17,823
...till I got my bet down. I got $200 on Stifler!

526
00:32:22,455 --> 00:32:25,409
Spanky, you had me going,
you silly son of a bitch.

527
00:32:25,500 --> 00:32:27,208
OFFICER: Let's do it. Do it!

528
00:32:27,293 --> 00:32:28,324
Yeah.

529
00:32:45,101 --> 00:32:48,351
You got steel nuts, my man.
I'll give you that much.

530
00:32:48,437 --> 00:32:50,097
But you're no match for the Stif-man.

531
00:32:52,107 --> 00:32:53,850
Fuck you, Stifler.

532
00:32:55,735 --> 00:32:56,850
Yeah.

533
00:32:58,613 --> 00:32:59,728
Yeah.

534
00:33:03,117 --> 00:33:04,741
(ALL MURMURING)

535
00:33:04,910 --> 00:33:06,239
What's the matter, Boy Band?

536
00:33:06,328 --> 00:33:09,115
You need a little something
to settle your stomach?

537
00:33:11,249 --> 00:33:12,708
(BELCHING)

538
00:33:16,045 --> 00:33:17,705
(PEOPLE LAUGHING)

539
00:33:17,797 --> 00:33:19,042
(BLOWING)

540
00:33:19,132 --> 00:33:21,539
Yeah, take in the Stifler essence.

541
00:33:22,218 --> 00:33:24,340
Mighty pungent.

542
00:33:24,428 --> 00:33:26,005
(ALL YELLING)

543
00:33:34,437 --> 00:33:35,516
Yeah!

544
00:33:35,605 --> 00:33:39,305
And still Heavyweight Drinking Champion
of the World,

545
00:33:39,400 --> 00:33:44,394
Dwight "The Iron Liver" Stifler!

546
00:33:44,488 --> 00:33:45,946
(ALL CHEERING)

547
00:33:46,656 --> 00:33:49,859
I'm a bad motherfucker, baby!

548
00:33:55,039 --> 00:33:56,367
(ALL EXCLAIMING)

549
00:33:57,583 --> 00:33:59,456
He's okay. He's okay.

550
00:34:06,341 --> 00:34:08,333
Hey, cousin.

551
00:34:09,844 --> 00:34:11,219
How you doing?

552
00:34:11,679 --> 00:34:14,715
I'm fine, Dwight. Are you okay?

553
00:34:15,307 --> 00:34:16,635
Oh, yeah, I'm fine.

554
00:34:17,809 --> 00:34:19,054
I'm fine.

555
00:34:19,561 --> 00:34:23,345
Hey, I heard that you killed
Grandma with your cumshot.

556
00:34:25,316 --> 00:34:26,644
That sucks, man.

557
00:34:31,905 --> 00:34:33,316
Should we take him to the hospital?

558
00:34:33,407 --> 00:34:35,067
RYAN: No, he'll be fine.

559
00:34:35,158 --> 00:34:38,029
He told me he does this, like, once a month.

560
00:34:39,079 --> 00:34:43,372
Okay, well, you guys keep an eye on him.
I'm gonna go to the bathroom.

561
00:34:50,464 --> 00:34:52,172
(GIRLS GIGGLING)

562
00:35:00,181 --> 00:35:02,553
So, when are we gonna start partying?

563
00:35:02,850 --> 00:35:05,092
Oh, someone's feeling a little frisky.

564
00:35:05,436 --> 00:35:08,935
Let's just say I finally decided
to live up to the family name.

565
00:35:10,899 --> 00:35:14,102
Stifler? We got a serious problem, man.

566
00:35:14,902 --> 00:35:18,105
Mike and the guys just got arrested
trying to steal a monkey from the zoo.

567
00:35:19,782 --> 00:35:22,699
So what's the problem?
Just take the money out of my bail fund.

568
00:35:22,785 --> 00:35:24,991
They're almost half our football team.

569
00:35:25,078 --> 00:35:27,913
We gotta put a team
on the field, man, or we're done.

570
00:35:27,998 --> 00:35:30,323
- Why?
- 'Cause we're already on probation.

571
00:35:30,667 --> 00:35:33,336
We gotta participate in every intermural event

572
00:35:33,544 --> 00:35:35,750
or we're kicked off campus, man.

573
00:35:35,921 --> 00:35:37,499
We're four guys short.

574
00:35:42,260 --> 00:35:43,340
I play football.

575
00:35:44,429 --> 00:35:46,421
I played freshman year.

576
00:35:48,141 --> 00:35:49,421
What about you?

577
00:35:50,309 --> 00:35:51,720
A little Nerf here and there.

578
00:35:51,811 --> 00:35:54,099
Good enough. Stifler?

579
00:35:54,188 --> 00:35:55,302
Mmm?

580
00:35:55,397 --> 00:35:58,232
Can you play?

581
00:36:04,197 --> 00:36:08,064
Don't ever

582
00:36:08,159 --> 00:36:10,151
ask if Stifler can play.

583
00:36:20,920 --> 00:36:21,999
I'm good.

584
00:36:25,174 --> 00:36:29,421
The team we're playing's
been undefeated five straight years.

585
00:36:29,511 --> 00:36:31,717
These guys must be pretty serious.

586
00:36:31,805 --> 00:36:34,047
Fucking-A-right, they're serious.

587
00:36:34,266 --> 00:36:36,388
Lambda Pi Gamma.

588
00:36:36,476 --> 00:36:39,927
They're our arch rivals in everything:
Sports, women, booze.

589
00:36:40,980 --> 00:36:43,767
These guys are fucking evil.

590
00:36:45,317 --> 00:36:46,515
MAN 1: Get ready!

591
00:36:46,610 --> 00:36:47,938
MAN 2: Come on!

592
00:36:48,445 --> 00:36:49,856
Down!

593
00:36:50,697 --> 00:36:52,903
Blue 42.

594
00:36:53,158 --> 00:36:54,237
They're midgets.

595
00:36:54,325 --> 00:36:55,404
Hut, hut!

596
00:36:59,288 --> 00:37:01,281
Don't let their size fool you.

597
00:37:01,373 --> 00:37:05,121
These guys are fucking animals.

598
00:37:05,252 --> 00:37:08,288
Did I do too much nitrous?
A midget fraternity?

599
00:37:08,546 --> 00:37:13,042
Those rich midgets from those infomercials
gave the school some huge grant,

600
00:37:13,134 --> 00:37:16,834
and started a school
for the vertically challenged and a fraternity.

601
00:37:16,929 --> 00:37:19,680
And this is where every midget
in America wants to be.

602
00:37:19,765 --> 00:37:20,796
Hot feet!

603
00:37:20,891 --> 00:37:21,970
DWIGHT: That's right.

604
00:37:22,059 --> 00:37:23,090
Breakdown.

605
00:37:23,185 --> 00:37:25,722
These guys are the best of the best.

606
00:37:26,980 --> 00:37:28,522
ROCK: Well, well, well.

607
00:37:29,190 --> 00:37:33,139
If it isn't the regular-size retards
and Captain Retard himself.

608
00:37:33,235 --> 00:37:35,144
You ready to get your ass
kicked again, Shitler?

609
00:37:36,113 --> 00:37:38,983
Get back to Oz there
before you get your ass stomped, Toto.

610
00:37:39,074 --> 00:37:40,153
(LAUGHING)

611
00:37:40,242 --> 00:37:43,693
Toto was the dog, you fucking idiot.

612
00:37:43,828 --> 00:37:47,197
Lick my balls, big-wheel-riding,
midget motherfucker.

613
00:37:47,290 --> 00:37:49,163
It's little person, fuck-nut.

614
00:37:49,500 --> 00:37:53,118
This year, I'm gonna take
a chunk out of your other leg.

615
00:37:53,420 --> 00:37:54,665
You little...

616
00:37:54,796 --> 00:37:56,374
(ALL YELLING)

617
00:37:58,883 --> 00:38:02,003
- You want it? You want it? Come on.
- Take it easy.

618
00:38:02,095 --> 00:38:03,553
Whoa. Whoa.

619
00:38:03,763 --> 00:38:05,471
Out of my way, assholes.

620
00:38:08,809 --> 00:38:10,766
ERIK: What's that guy's problem?

621
00:38:10,853 --> 00:38:13,260
That's Rock. He's fucking crazy.

622
00:38:13,355 --> 00:38:14,932
- He plays dirty.
- ROCK: Out of my way, you fucking idiot.

623
00:38:15,023 --> 00:38:17,561
Last year, he bit a chunk out of my thigh.

624
00:38:17,650 --> 00:38:19,061
COOZE: Jesus!

625
00:38:19,736 --> 00:38:21,858
COOZE: Hey, his girlfriend's pretty hot.

626
00:38:22,988 --> 00:38:26,772
Yeah. And what's with that regular-size guy?

627
00:38:27,242 --> 00:38:31,619
Oh, it's Rock's cousin.
They had to let him in. Legacy.

628
00:38:33,540 --> 00:38:36,327
What a douchebag.

629
00:38:37,084 --> 00:38:38,247
Can he play?

630
00:38:38,919 --> 00:38:41,873
No, he sucks.

631
00:38:41,964 --> 00:38:43,043
(WHISTLE BLOWING)

632
00:38:46,259 --> 00:38:47,919
(PEOPLE CHEERING)

633
00:38:53,474 --> 00:38:54,637
Hey, keep your head up.

634
00:38:54,725 --> 00:38:57,263
Whatever, they're midgets.
How bad can it be?

635
00:38:57,353 --> 00:38:58,633
(WHISTLE BLOWING)

636
00:39:06,694 --> 00:39:07,975
(SCREAMING)

637
00:39:08,446 --> 00:39:11,151
(GROANING)

638
00:39:11,240 --> 00:39:12,319
Holy shit!

639
00:39:21,791 --> 00:39:24,329
Keep your head up, bitch.

640
00:39:29,799 --> 00:39:33,499
I told you, man.
Don't underestimate these little bastards.

641
00:39:35,220 --> 00:39:36,500
Down!

642
00:39:36,596 --> 00:39:37,972
Set!

643
00:39:38,515 --> 00:39:39,546
Hut!

644
00:39:43,311 --> 00:39:44,853
(WHISTLE BLOWING)

645
00:39:45,688 --> 00:39:47,479
(PEOPLE CHEERING)

646
00:39:57,866 --> 00:39:59,408
(WHISTLE BLOWING)

647
00:39:59,742 --> 00:40:00,987
Yeah!

648
00:40:21,178 --> 00:40:23,336
(GROANING)

649
00:40:23,430 --> 00:40:25,339
(WHISTLE BLOWING)

650
00:40:42,114 --> 00:40:43,905
- Beta!
- Come on!

651
00:40:43,990 --> 00:40:46,197
Let's go, fellas. Get on the line.

652
00:40:46,868 --> 00:40:48,611
Down!

653
00:40:49,287 --> 00:40:50,781
How you feeling, Stifler?

654
00:40:50,872 --> 00:40:53,493
I'm 6'1", Frodo. How about you?

655
00:40:57,586 --> 00:40:58,617
Hut!

656
00:41:01,590 --> 00:41:02,788
(SCREAMING)

657
00:41:02,882 --> 00:41:04,791
The little fucker's biting me again.

658
00:41:05,468 --> 00:41:07,176
(SCREAMING)

659
00:41:11,932 --> 00:41:13,426
Not in my eye!

660
00:41:17,521 --> 00:41:19,098
(WHISTLE BLOWING)

661
00:41:21,900 --> 00:41:24,651
Funny, you don't look 6'1" from here,
shit stain.

662
00:41:32,659 --> 00:41:34,284
(I WISH PLAYING)

663
00:41:54,387 --> 00:41:55,502
DWIGHT: God,

664
00:41:56,264 --> 00:41:58,470
I hate that fucking guy.

665
00:41:58,558 --> 00:42:00,265
I'm getting killed out there.

666
00:42:00,351 --> 00:42:01,596
I can't get loose.

667
00:42:01,685 --> 00:42:04,805
They're so fast and small.
I don't know what to do.

668
00:42:04,897 --> 00:42:07,055
Quit crying, you bunch
of bra-wearing pussies.

669
00:42:07,149 --> 00:42:10,849
I just got a hunk taken out of my leg.
You don't hear me crying.

670
00:42:10,944 --> 00:42:12,687
All right, then, let's put
our balls on the table.

671
00:42:12,779 --> 00:42:16,942
Let's go out there and show these little sons
of bitches what being a Beta's all about.

672
00:42:17,033 --> 00:42:18,859
- You understand what I'm saying, fellas?
- Yeah, yeah.

673
00:42:18,951 --> 00:42:20,742
All right, Beta on three.

674
00:42:21,370 --> 00:42:23,078
- One, two, three, Beta!
- ALL: Beta!

675
00:42:24,331 --> 00:42:25,529
- Down!
- Set!

676
00:42:26,333 --> 00:42:27,447
DWIGHT: Hut!

677
00:42:32,964 --> 00:42:33,995
Go!

678
00:42:37,968 --> 00:42:39,083
Go!

679
00:42:39,803 --> 00:42:41,262
(WHISTLE BLOWING)

680
00:42:44,057 --> 00:42:45,468
(ALL CHEERING)

681
00:43:25,261 --> 00:43:26,719
Yeah, yeah. Let's go, boys.

682
00:43:28,138 --> 00:43:30,214
All right, we got five seconds left, guys.

683
00:43:30,307 --> 00:43:33,391
If you're about to get
tackled, lateral it to the nearest guy.

684
00:43:33,476 --> 00:43:35,385
It's our only chance.

685
00:43:35,478 --> 00:43:38,183
All right, let's go now.
Come on, Beta on three.

686
00:43:38,272 --> 00:43:39,304
- Beta on three.
- Who's with me?

687
00:43:39,398 --> 00:43:41,889
- One, two, three, Beta!
- ALL: Beta!

688
00:43:50,283 --> 00:43:51,658
Down!

689
00:43:54,954 --> 00:43:57,196
Set!

690
00:44:10,885 --> 00:44:11,916
Hut!

691
00:44:13,095 --> 00:44:15,088
(MY HERO PLAYING)

692
00:44:46,584 --> 00:44:47,995
(WHOOPING)

693
00:44:52,714 --> 00:44:54,458
(ALL CHEERING)

694
00:45:06,810 --> 00:45:08,186
(GROANING)

695
00:45:13,191 --> 00:45:14,982
(WHISTLE BLOWING)

696
00:45:15,068 --> 00:45:16,645
(CHEERING)

697
00:45:18,446 --> 00:45:19,857
WOMAN: We kicked your ass!

698
00:45:19,947 --> 00:45:21,026
(GROANS)

699
00:45:21,782 --> 00:45:24,451
You're still my bitch, Stifler.

700
00:45:26,453 --> 00:45:27,864
(WHISTLE BLOWING)

701
00:45:37,046 --> 00:45:39,418
I can't believe we lost to midgets.

702
00:45:40,049 --> 00:45:42,919
Don't let those Oompa Loompa
bastards get to you.

703
00:45:43,218 --> 00:45:47,346
Right now, we have more important matters
to tend to, gentlemen.

704
00:45:47,806 --> 00:45:50,012
From what I understand,

705
00:45:50,099 --> 00:45:53,349
my cousin has a guilt-free pass

706
00:45:53,436 --> 00:45:56,769
to bang all the girls he can find.

707
00:45:57,273 --> 00:45:58,648
That I do.

708
00:45:58,732 --> 00:46:01,567
Oh, that is good news.

709
00:46:02,777 --> 00:46:05,399
Christ, for a while
I was starting to think you were adopted.

710
00:46:05,530 --> 00:46:07,190
(STUDENTS CHATTERING)

711
00:46:08,116 --> 00:46:10,025
(HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING)

712
00:46:16,081 --> 00:46:17,409
Gentlemen,

713
00:46:18,834 --> 00:46:22,701
welcome to paradise.

714
00:46:30,511 --> 00:46:32,053
Boys and girls,

715
00:46:32,137 --> 00:46:34,842
we have a celebrity in our midst.

716
00:46:34,931 --> 00:46:38,715
The Heavyweight Drinking Champion
of the World,

717
00:46:38,810 --> 00:46:42,759
Dwight "Iron Liver" Stifler!

718
00:46:42,855 --> 00:46:44,397
(ALL CHEERING)

719
00:46:51,154 --> 00:46:52,352
(WHOOPS)

720
00:46:52,864 --> 00:46:56,067
All right, you pussy-wipes,
I'm gonna go find some lady friends.

721
00:46:56,159 --> 00:46:59,362
Try not to blow your wad
in the first minute, huh?

722
00:47:01,664 --> 00:47:05,246
There is no way Allison's
party was better than Jimmy's.

723
00:47:05,334 --> 00:47:07,373
You're nuts. Jimmy's party had two kegs

724
00:47:07,461 --> 00:47:10,794
and those two theater chicks
went down on each other on the pool table

725
00:47:10,880 --> 00:47:12,505
in front of everybody.

726
00:47:12,590 --> 00:47:14,001
What the hell are you two talking about?

727
00:47:14,092 --> 00:47:15,171
What?

728
00:47:15,259 --> 00:47:18,343
Two kegs, theater chicks. Well, guess what?

729
00:47:18,429 --> 00:47:21,299
We're in a college bar
full of unlimited booze and pussy,

730
00:47:21,390 --> 00:47:24,841
and we're sitting
at the bar talking about high-school parties.

731
00:47:31,899 --> 00:47:35,398
Ryan? Ryan! What's your problem?

732
00:47:35,486 --> 00:47:37,229
That Great Falls attitude.

733
00:47:37,321 --> 00:47:39,479
All you guys do is talk about Great Falls

734
00:47:39,573 --> 00:47:41,565
like it's the end-all and be-all of existence.

735
00:47:41,658 --> 00:47:45,241
The place is a fucking trap,
which is why I'm going to California.

736
00:47:45,328 --> 00:47:46,787
I'm not gonna get stuck like the rest of them.

737
00:47:46,871 --> 00:47:48,246
Yeah, I know. I think that's great.

738
00:47:48,331 --> 00:47:51,996
Yeah, but don't you see?
That's what this weekend is about for me.

739
00:47:52,334 --> 00:47:54,161
- What do you mean?
- To see if I can do it.

740
00:47:54,253 --> 00:47:57,787
If I can start over
and accept being low man on the totem pole.

741
00:47:57,881 --> 00:47:59,340
Ryan, it's just a weekend, man.

742
00:47:59,424 --> 00:48:02,259
Maybe to you, but to me
it's a lot more than that.

743
00:48:04,971 --> 00:48:06,465
Man, I sound like a chick.

744
00:48:06,556 --> 00:48:07,587
Mmm-hmm.

745
00:48:07,682 --> 00:48:09,140
I really need to go get some pussy.

746
00:48:09,225 --> 00:48:10,304
Yeah.

747
00:48:13,395 --> 00:48:14,474
Oh, shit.

748
00:48:14,563 --> 00:48:16,354
Oh, my God. I'm so sorry.

749
00:48:16,565 --> 00:48:20,229
- No, no, no, no. It's fine.
- I can't believe I did that.

750
00:48:20,318 --> 00:48:21,729
Here, come with me.

751
00:48:22,487 --> 00:48:24,360
(STUDENTS CHATTERING)

752
00:48:24,447 --> 00:48:25,561
Quick, take off your shirt.

753
00:48:25,656 --> 00:48:26,819
Excuse me?

754
00:48:26,907 --> 00:48:29,363
- Well, I just... I wanna get the stain out.
- Oh, yeah, right.

755
00:48:29,451 --> 00:48:30,910
I knew that.

756
00:48:34,414 --> 00:48:35,659
Are we allowed to be back here?

757
00:48:35,749 --> 00:48:37,575
Oh, yeah, don't worry. I used to bartend here.

758
00:48:37,667 --> 00:48:38,912
Cool.

759
00:48:39,460 --> 00:48:42,461
Look, I'm really,
really sorry about this. Right.

760
00:48:45,049 --> 00:48:46,708
Accidents happen.

761
00:48:47,301 --> 00:48:49,423
- I'm Brandy, by the way.
- I'm Erik.

762
00:48:49,511 --> 00:48:52,262
You know, any other
frat asshole would bite my head off right now

763
00:48:52,347 --> 00:48:53,627
if I spilled a drink on him.

764
00:48:53,723 --> 00:48:54,754
I'm...

765
00:48:56,726 --> 00:48:58,184
I'm not in a fraternity.

766
00:48:58,269 --> 00:49:00,345
Oh, you're not? So you're independent?

767
00:49:00,437 --> 00:49:01,517
What's that?

768
00:49:01,605 --> 00:49:03,514
You know, a student who's not Greek.

769
00:49:04,107 --> 00:49:07,642
No, I'm just visiting for the weekend.
I'm a senior in high school.

770
00:49:07,736 --> 00:49:08,850
High school?

771
00:49:08,945 --> 00:49:10,190
Yeah.

772
00:49:11,656 --> 00:49:13,115
(GIRLS LAUGHING)

773
00:49:13,199 --> 00:49:16,318
Really? Most girls slap me
or kick me in the balls when I say that.

774
00:49:16,410 --> 00:49:18,319
Why? It's hysterical.

775
00:49:18,412 --> 00:49:20,784
That's what I say. What are your names?

776
00:49:20,873 --> 00:49:22,699
I'm Jill and this is Alexis.

777
00:49:22,791 --> 00:49:25,460
Hey, this is my buddy Ryan.

778
00:49:25,543 --> 00:49:27,002
- Hey, Ryan.
- Hey, Ryan.

779
00:49:27,086 --> 00:49:28,462
Hey, ladies.

780
00:49:29,130 --> 00:49:32,249
Amnesty International.
Is that some kind of rock band?

781
00:49:33,467 --> 00:49:36,918
It's an organization that works to protect
human rights all over the world.

782
00:49:37,012 --> 00:49:38,091
Oh, yeah.

783
00:49:38,180 --> 00:49:40,386
MAN: Hey, get away
from our dates.

784
00:49:41,224 --> 00:49:43,051
Down here, asshole.

785
00:49:43,560 --> 00:49:44,840
What the hell do you want?

786
00:49:44,936 --> 00:49:46,015
Just what he said.

787
00:49:46,104 --> 00:49:48,392
For you two to get away from our dates.

788
00:49:48,481 --> 00:49:50,438
In your dreams, Willow.

789
00:49:50,524 --> 00:49:53,525
There is no way these girls are here with you.

790
00:49:55,570 --> 00:49:56,815
Are you?

791
00:49:59,157 --> 00:50:00,984
- But why?
- They're cool.

792
00:50:01,075 --> 00:50:02,238
And sexy.

793
00:50:02,952 --> 00:50:04,945
You gotta be fucking kidding me.

794
00:50:05,037 --> 00:50:06,068
(GROANS)

795
00:50:06,163 --> 00:50:08,156
Ain't nobody kidding around here, punk.

796
00:50:08,249 --> 00:50:10,455
If you got a problem,
we could settle this right here.

797
00:50:10,542 --> 00:50:12,120
Oh, I would love to.

798
00:50:12,210 --> 00:50:14,084
Okay, stop it, you guys.

799
00:50:14,921 --> 00:50:19,334
Listen, it was really nice meeting you two,
but we're spoken for tonight.

800
00:50:20,218 --> 00:50:22,293
Come on, baby, let's dance.

801
00:50:33,313 --> 00:50:35,305
That did not just happen.

802
00:50:39,985 --> 00:50:44,149
Time for a Stifler blowjob!

803
00:50:46,950 --> 00:50:51,861
Oh, get sexy, ladies, I love it.
Oh, I feel a stirring in my loins.

804
00:50:57,168 --> 00:50:58,875
You've gotta meet my roommate.

805
00:51:00,712 --> 00:51:03,001
I would love to.

806
00:51:03,465 --> 00:51:06,252
Dude, the fucking midgets
just stole our women.

807
00:51:06,342 --> 00:51:07,718
RYAN: Yeah, those fuckers are
out of hand.

808
00:51:07,802 --> 00:51:12,547
I told you guys,
don't underestimate those little bastards.

809
00:51:13,349 --> 00:51:16,764
That midget quarterback
stole my girlfriend last year.

810
00:51:19,062 --> 00:51:20,141
Slut!

811
00:51:20,230 --> 00:51:22,139
ROCK: Out of my goddamn way.

812
00:51:24,275 --> 00:51:25,817
Holy shit!

813
00:51:26,652 --> 00:51:30,235
I thought this place had a no-loser policy.
What are you assholes doing here?

814
00:51:30,322 --> 00:51:31,733
Fuck off, Mighty Mouse.

815
00:51:31,824 --> 00:51:35,524
Man, don't take it out on me
because your ladies like it short and thick,

816
00:51:35,619 --> 00:51:37,742
rather than tall and skinny.

817
00:51:40,915 --> 00:51:44,699
Rock, don't you know, baby?
This bar is like a roller coaster.

818
00:51:44,835 --> 00:51:46,413
Yeah, it has a height requirement,

819
00:51:46,504 --> 00:51:50,631
- and I'm afraid you just don't measure up!
- Motherfucker.

820
00:51:52,259 --> 00:51:54,797
- Easy! Easy! Easy!
- Whoa!

821
00:51:54,886 --> 00:51:56,167
This isn't over, Shitler.

822
00:51:56,262 --> 00:51:58,136
Oh, you got that right!

823
00:51:59,891 --> 00:52:02,678
Never get in my way, woman.

824
00:52:10,942 --> 00:52:12,318
What's up?

825
00:52:17,448 --> 00:52:18,611
Bitch.

826
00:52:21,285 --> 00:52:22,447
BRANDY: That did not happen.

827
00:52:22,536 --> 00:52:25,739
I swear to God, I was running
through the streets with nylons on my head

828
00:52:25,831 --> 00:52:27,823
and the condom still on.

829
00:52:28,166 --> 00:52:29,874
I can't believe I just told you that story.

830
00:52:29,959 --> 00:52:31,335
I think it's great.

831
00:52:31,419 --> 00:52:35,037
I mean, think of it this way,
you'll never forget your first time.

832
00:52:35,131 --> 00:52:36,755
Well, it wasn't...

833
00:52:37,049 --> 00:52:38,164
Technically...

834
00:52:38,259 --> 00:52:39,753
Oh, no, wait.

835
00:52:39,843 --> 00:52:43,342
- You mean you didn't even get to...
- He came down too fast.

836
00:52:43,930 --> 00:52:47,216
Thank you.
Thank you for laughing at my misfortune.

837
00:52:48,226 --> 00:52:51,974
I think you're a sweetheart.
And you're really cute.

838
00:52:53,147 --> 00:52:54,522
This is me.

839
00:52:56,025 --> 00:52:57,934
So, are you guys
running the Mile tomorrow?

840
00:52:58,026 --> 00:53:01,561
I don't know. There's something about
running naked down the street

841
00:53:01,655 --> 00:53:03,612
while you're still a virgin...

842
00:53:03,698 --> 00:53:05,157
Didn't stop you before.

843
00:53:05,241 --> 00:53:06,700
Touch�.

844
00:53:07,035 --> 00:53:09,739
You never know, that virgin thing,

845
00:53:10,371 --> 00:53:13,574
it could totally change
by the end of the weekend.

846
00:53:16,084 --> 00:53:17,709
Thanks for walking me home.

847
00:53:40,148 --> 00:53:42,983
What the hell happened to you last night?

848
00:53:44,151 --> 00:53:45,314
What's up, fellas?

849
00:53:45,402 --> 00:53:46,600
What's up?

850
00:53:46,695 --> 00:53:50,278
What's up is we got
cock-blocked by some midgets at the bar.

851
00:53:50,365 --> 00:53:53,449
Cooze, never mind that.
Where the hell were you?

852
00:53:53,702 --> 00:53:58,244
Well, Mother,
if you must know, I was with a girl.

853
00:54:02,001 --> 00:54:03,708
Bullshit. What girl?

854
00:54:03,794 --> 00:54:06,367
Her name is Brandy.
She's in a sorority and she's hot,

855
00:54:06,463 --> 00:54:08,870
and I'm supposed to meet her
at the Mile tonight.

856
00:54:09,591 --> 00:54:11,382
Dude, I don't get it.

857
00:54:11,551 --> 00:54:15,844
We come to college,
we get blown off by chicks for midgets,

858
00:54:15,930 --> 00:54:18,800
and you're hanging out with a sorority girl?

859
00:54:18,891 --> 00:54:21,298
What the fuck is going on here?

860
00:54:21,685 --> 00:54:24,057
So, what are you gonna do?

861
00:54:25,021 --> 00:54:27,975
What do you mean?
He's gonna bang that chick.

862
00:54:29,651 --> 00:54:30,931
Aren't you?

863
00:54:31,027 --> 00:54:32,307
What?

864
00:54:34,780 --> 00:54:35,895
Yeah.

865
00:54:36,156 --> 00:54:39,857
Yeah, of course I will.
I'm on a guilt-free pass, why wouldn't I?

866
00:54:39,952 --> 00:54:41,908
Why the hesitation, man?

867
00:54:42,913 --> 00:54:45,997
- Oh, shit! You're not gonna do it.
- I said I'll do it.

868
00:54:46,082 --> 00:54:49,782
Erik, you've been given a gift from above.
Don't fuck it up.

869
00:54:49,919 --> 00:54:51,033
I won't.

870
00:54:51,128 --> 00:54:52,243
Yes, you will.

871
00:54:52,338 --> 00:54:53,369
No.

872
00:54:54,089 --> 00:54:56,331
I... I gotta get out of here.

873
00:55:12,022 --> 00:55:13,433
(BEEPING)

874
00:55:16,109 --> 00:55:17,603
(PHONE RINGING)

875
00:55:17,694 --> 00:55:18,808
Hello?

876
00:55:18,903 --> 00:55:20,528
<i>ERIK: Hey, it's me.</i>

877
00:55:22,573 --> 00:55:24,400
Calling to see how you're doing.

878
00:55:24,492 --> 00:55:25,736
I'm fine,

879
00:55:25,826 --> 00:55:27,949
- I'm just studying.
- <i>Okay.</i>

880
00:55:29,663 --> 00:55:30,694
Cool.

881
00:55:30,789 --> 00:55:34,074
So, did you guys decide
if you're gonna run in the Naked Mile?

882
00:55:34,793 --> 00:55:38,292
No, not yet.
But you know me, I'll probably just wimp out.

883
00:55:38,588 --> 00:55:40,165
I mean, you don't have to.

884
00:55:40,965 --> 00:55:42,293
Yeah, I know.

885
00:55:43,008 --> 00:55:45,464
Are you okay?
I mean, you sound a little weird.

886
00:55:46,011 --> 00:55:47,291
I'm fine.

887
00:55:48,388 --> 00:55:50,879
I'm fine. I just wanted to call and say hello.

888
00:55:50,974 --> 00:55:55,635
Thanks, but you don't need to check in.
I mean, go, have fun.

889
00:55:55,728 --> 00:55:58,100
That's what this weekend's all about.

890
00:55:59,481 --> 00:56:00,726
You're the greatest.

891
00:56:07,030 --> 00:56:08,572
(BIRDS CHIRPING)

892
00:56:12,785 --> 00:56:14,196
Erik Stifler.

893
00:56:17,748 --> 00:56:20,155
- Hey, Mr. Levenstein.
- Hello, Erik, good to see you.

894
00:56:20,250 --> 00:56:23,868
Yeah. Wow, I haven't seen you
since my parents' New Year's party, right?

895
00:56:23,962 --> 00:56:27,745
Yes, well, your folks really,
really know how to ring in the new year.

896
00:56:27,840 --> 00:56:31,707
Look, I'm sorry about my dad
giving you that wedgie in front of everybody.

897
00:56:31,802 --> 00:56:35,087
Well, your dad's been doing
that to me since we were kids,

898
00:56:35,180 --> 00:56:37,636
and strangely enough, I enjoy it.

899
00:56:40,894 --> 00:56:43,266
So, what are you doing up here?

900
00:56:44,397 --> 00:56:47,066
Oh, well, I went to school here

901
00:56:47,149 --> 00:56:50,933
and, you know, I like to come
back every now and then

902
00:56:51,403 --> 00:56:52,862
and check out the campus.

903
00:56:52,946 --> 00:56:57,157
That's the only reason I'm here.
No other reason that I can think of.

904
00:56:57,242 --> 00:57:00,029
And what about you?
What are you doing here?

905
00:57:00,536 --> 00:57:02,612
Actually, it's kind of personal.

906
00:57:02,705 --> 00:57:05,030
- Oh. Well, say no more.
- Okay.

907
00:57:05,124 --> 00:57:06,286
Okay, listen, good seeing you.

908
00:57:06,375 --> 00:57:08,118
Yeah, for sure.

909
00:57:13,923 --> 00:57:16,165
Mr. Levenstein, you were a counselor

910
00:57:16,259 --> 00:57:18,465
at Tall Oaks Band Camp
with my cousin, Matt, right?

911
00:57:18,553 --> 00:57:22,004
Yes. Yes, I was. And your cousin Matt
needed some counseling...

912
00:57:22,098 --> 00:57:25,881
- Yeah.
...I might add. I gave him some advice.

913
00:57:25,976 --> 00:57:28,930
Advice. Do you think I could

914
00:57:31,439 --> 00:57:33,432
confide something in you?

915
00:57:33,733 --> 00:57:36,568
Well, sure. Yes, Erik, anything. Anything.

916
00:57:36,652 --> 00:57:37,815
Okay.

917
00:57:38,696 --> 00:57:39,727
I'm a virgin.

918
00:57:39,822 --> 00:57:41,150
Okay, can I stop you there?

919
00:57:41,240 --> 00:57:44,406
You're a Stifler and a virgin?

920
00:57:45,952 --> 00:57:47,067
Yeah.

921
00:57:49,038 --> 00:57:52,489
Well, so you're a virgin. What's the big deal?

922
00:57:53,251 --> 00:57:57,793
Well, the other night, my girlfriend and I...
We tried to, you know...

923
00:57:59,923 --> 00:58:03,422
Right. But her father
came down before we had the chance to.

924
00:58:03,510 --> 00:58:05,835
So she changed her mind
completely about the sex,

925
00:58:05,929 --> 00:58:09,013
but she gave me a guilt-free
pass for the weekend.

926
00:58:09,098 --> 00:58:11,423
You got the guilt-free pass?

927
00:58:13,060 --> 00:58:14,684
What do you mean?

928
00:58:14,937 --> 00:58:19,894
Well, I mean,
you've got the old guilt-free pass dilemma.

929
00:58:20,108 --> 00:58:21,768
- Yeah.
- It's a tough one.

930
00:58:21,860 --> 00:58:24,066
I didn't think people your age
knew about that kind of stuff.

931
00:58:24,153 --> 00:58:27,237
I believe I know more
about this than you think.

932
00:58:28,824 --> 00:58:31,611
Good, because I just
don't know what to do here.

933
00:58:31,702 --> 00:58:35,367
I mean, I've got
this smoking-hot sorority girl all over me.

934
00:58:36,456 --> 00:58:39,623
Well, you know, my son Jim

935
00:58:39,709 --> 00:58:41,915
went through kind of a similar dilemma.

936
00:58:42,003 --> 00:58:43,876
He was going out with this very attractive

937
00:58:43,963 --> 00:58:45,920
foreign-exchange student named Nadia.

938
00:58:46,006 --> 00:58:49,422
Right, right, yeah. That's the one he blew his
load too early with, right?

939
00:58:49,510 --> 00:58:50,624
- Yes.
- Twice.

940
00:58:50,719 --> 00:58:52,047
- Yes.
- Over the Internet.

941
00:58:52,137 --> 00:58:53,797
- Yes, that's the one.
- Yeah.

942
00:58:53,889 --> 00:58:57,222
Well, blowing loads aside...

943
00:58:57,308 --> 00:58:58,387
Yeah.

944
00:58:58,476 --> 00:59:00,801
The next summer Nadia came
to visit Jim at the beach,

945
00:59:00,895 --> 00:59:02,353
and he turned her down

946
00:59:02,438 --> 00:59:05,807
because he had fallen in love with Michelle,

947
00:59:06,650 --> 00:59:10,647
who he later married,
and is now the mother of my grandchild.

948
00:59:11,946 --> 00:59:15,730
So you're saying
I shouldn't hook up with this sorority girl?

949
00:59:16,075 --> 00:59:19,242
I'm saying I think
only you know the answer to that, Erik.

950
00:59:21,830 --> 00:59:23,408
Well, gotta run.

951
00:59:26,459 --> 00:59:30,124
Oh, Erik, I was sorry to hear
about your grandmother.

952
00:59:49,230 --> 00:59:51,139
Last night was amazing.

953
00:59:51,691 --> 00:59:53,730
Yeah, it was.

954
00:59:53,817 --> 00:59:56,735
The three of us should
do it again sometime.

955
00:59:57,112 --> 00:59:58,487
Definitely.

956
01:00:00,782 --> 01:00:02,157
Definitely.

957
01:00:09,415 --> 01:00:13,080
Hey, buddy.
You know how to get to Murray Street?

958
01:00:13,168 --> 01:00:16,619
Oh, yeah, man.
Just go right down Maryland, down to...

959
01:00:17,297 --> 01:00:18,708
What the...

960
01:00:20,675 --> 01:00:22,134
What is this? <i>Enter the Midget?</i>

961
01:00:22,218 --> 01:00:24,887
It's little people, asshole.

962
01:00:26,514 --> 01:00:28,221
Come get some.

963
01:00:29,266 --> 01:00:31,555
Come get some, baby!

964
01:00:32,060 --> 01:00:33,768
(SCREAMING)

965
01:00:39,901 --> 01:00:41,692
(PANTING)

966
01:00:41,861 --> 01:00:43,734
Midgets jumped Stifler.

967
01:00:43,821 --> 01:00:45,066
- What?
- What?

968
01:00:46,073 --> 01:00:48,231
The midgets jumped Stifler.

969
01:00:48,700 --> 01:00:50,443
He's in the hospital right now.

970
01:00:55,373 --> 01:00:56,701
Oh, shit.

971
01:00:56,791 --> 01:00:58,534
Holy shit.

972
01:00:59,543 --> 01:01:01,417
Man, he is fucked up.

973
01:01:02,379 --> 01:01:03,838
First Grandma, and now this.

974
01:01:03,922 --> 01:01:05,297
All right, we gotta get
those fucking midgets.

975
01:01:05,382 --> 01:01:06,461
Yeah, man.

976
01:01:06,550 --> 01:01:10,049
Jesus, Ryan, keep it down, will you?
I got a huge fucking headache.

977
01:01:10,136 --> 01:01:12,259
We thought this guy was you.

978
01:01:13,347 --> 01:01:14,592
Fuck, no.

979
01:01:15,516 --> 01:01:16,761
I don't know what happened to that pussy.

980
01:01:17,726 --> 01:01:19,683
Hey, man, what the hell happened?

981
01:01:19,770 --> 01:01:23,518
Rock and his boys jumped me,
wearing all black and ski masks.

982
01:01:23,607 --> 01:01:25,017
Like I wouldn't know it was them.

983
01:01:25,108 --> 01:01:28,393
Are you all right?
Are you gonna be able to run in the Mile?

984
01:01:28,486 --> 01:01:29,766
Doesn't look like it.

985
01:01:30,404 --> 01:01:33,903
Doc says the Stif-man's gonna be laid up
for at least a couple of more days.

986
01:01:33,991 --> 01:01:36,233
Hey, don't worry.
We will find those little fuckers.

987
01:01:36,326 --> 01:01:41,202
No. I appreciate it, okay?
Stifler'll think of something.

988
01:01:41,831 --> 01:01:45,366
Now you guys are up here
to do two things: Have fun,

989
01:01:45,460 --> 01:01:47,499
and run naked

990
01:01:47,587 --> 01:01:51,536
with hundreds of hot,
big-breasted, horny women.

991
01:01:51,632 --> 01:01:52,830
You understand?

992
01:01:52,925 --> 01:01:54,039
- Yeah.
- Yeah.

993
01:01:54,134 --> 01:01:57,834
Good. Now get the fuck
out of here so I can get some sleep.

994
01:02:02,934 --> 01:02:05,425
Hey, Erik, stick around for a second.

995
01:02:05,519 --> 01:02:06,551
Yeah.

996
01:02:07,730 --> 01:02:09,936
Listen, I know what you're going through.

997
01:02:10,566 --> 01:02:13,519
- You do?
- Sure, yeah. I had the same problem

998
01:02:13,777 --> 01:02:15,900
when I was in middle school.

999
01:02:16,362 --> 01:02:19,696
But living up to
the family name is not an easy thing, man.

1000
01:02:19,782 --> 01:02:22,355
Yeah. What did you do?

1001
01:02:24,495 --> 01:02:28,278
Well, I whipped out
my dick in class, stole the principal's car,

1002
01:02:28,373 --> 01:02:29,951
and then I fucked a lunch lady.

1003
01:02:30,584 --> 01:02:31,615
Oh.

1004
01:02:32,085 --> 01:02:33,579
But, hey, that's me.

1005
01:02:34,462 --> 01:02:36,455
What do you think I should do?

1006
01:02:36,547 --> 01:02:41,125
It's not for me to decide or advise.
You gotta figure that out on your own.

1007
01:02:41,343 --> 01:02:45,008
But I will say this.
We got a pretty fucked-up family,

1008
01:02:45,722 --> 01:02:48,260
and it's nice having a guy like you around.

1009
01:02:51,728 --> 01:02:53,387
Now, seriously, go.

1010
01:02:57,733 --> 01:02:59,560
(STUDENTS CHATTERING)

1011
01:03:04,614 --> 01:03:06,523
All I have to say is,

1012
01:03:06,616 --> 01:03:09,985
thank you, Dad,
for getting my dumb ass into this school.

1013
01:03:15,874 --> 01:03:19,457
Gentlemen, we have officially
arrived at our destination.

1014
01:03:29,679 --> 01:03:32,004
ROCK: Look who decided to show up.

1015
01:03:32,097 --> 01:03:34,220
I didn't think you guys
would have the balls for this.

1016
01:03:34,308 --> 01:03:35,470
I guess I was right.

1017
01:03:35,726 --> 01:03:39,094
Check it out. They still got their clothes on.

1018
01:03:42,190 --> 01:03:47,147
Where is old Shitler? I guess the king of
the Naked Mile didn't make it this year.

1019
01:03:48,195 --> 01:03:51,528
Nobody starts this fucking
Naked Mile without me!

1020
01:03:52,115 --> 01:03:53,657
(ALL CHEERING)

1021
01:04:03,709 --> 01:04:07,753
The king has arrived! Bring out your titties!

1022
01:04:10,841 --> 01:04:14,755
You really think that little beating
you gave me could keep me away?

1023
01:04:14,844 --> 01:04:17,880
You and the Lollypop Guild
punch like a bunch of five-year-olds.

1024
01:04:17,972 --> 01:04:20,723
This is my fucking school.

1025
01:04:24,019 --> 01:04:25,182
Guys.

1026
01:04:26,271 --> 01:04:29,355
Right, screw those guys.
We're here to have fun, right?

1027
01:04:29,441 --> 01:04:31,848
Oh, fucking-A-right,
we're here to have some fun.

1028
01:04:33,152 --> 01:04:36,735
Hey, why the hell
do you guys still have your clothes on?

1029
01:04:37,490 --> 01:04:39,281
Listen, Stifler, we were talking and...

1030
01:04:39,366 --> 01:04:41,489
Hey, Stifler. I like your IVs.

1031
01:04:43,245 --> 01:04:44,739
DWIGHT: Hello, ladies.

1032
01:04:45,956 --> 01:04:48,197
Looking sexy as always.

1033
01:04:48,291 --> 01:04:49,915
Heard you were in the hospital.

1034
01:04:50,460 --> 01:04:52,915
Just a little beating by a bunch of midgets.

1035
01:04:53,004 --> 01:04:54,414
Hey, Cooze.

1036
01:04:54,505 --> 01:04:58,253
Jill the Thrill. Back on the Cooze radar.

1037
01:04:59,092 --> 01:05:01,215
(IMITATING RADAR BEEPING)

1038
01:05:02,971 --> 01:05:04,085
Hey, Erik.

1039
01:05:04,806 --> 01:05:05,837
Hey, Brandy.

1040
01:05:06,140 --> 01:05:07,848
- Ryan.
- Alexis.

1041
01:05:07,934 --> 01:05:10,175
So, you ladies ready to run this Mile

1042
01:05:10,269 --> 01:05:13,435
and get extra fucking sexy?

1043
01:05:13,605 --> 01:05:14,685
- Hell, yeah!
- Hell, yeah!

1044
01:05:14,815 --> 01:05:16,357
What about you guys?

1045
01:05:16,441 --> 01:05:18,350
Yeah, what are you guys doing still dressed?

1046
01:05:18,652 --> 01:05:20,810
Well, we figured we'd just watch the Mile

1047
01:05:20,904 --> 01:05:22,528
and then meet you guys
at the party afterwards.

1048
01:05:22,614 --> 01:05:26,231
That's too bad 'cause this
Naked Mile is gonna be crazy.

1049
01:05:26,367 --> 01:05:28,905
Really crazy. Right, Brandy?

1050
01:05:28,994 --> 01:05:30,488
Absolutely out of control.

1051
01:05:47,553 --> 01:05:50,506
Yeah! That's what
I'm fucking talking about, boys.

1052
01:05:50,597 --> 01:05:53,882
Set the cocks free!

1053
01:05:53,975 --> 01:05:56,300
Let's huddle up over here. Come on, fellas.

1054
01:05:57,562 --> 01:05:58,641
Cock huddle.

1055
01:05:58,854 --> 01:06:00,183
All right, bitch tits.

1056
01:06:00,815 --> 01:06:02,973
I got a little surprise for you fuckers.

1057
01:06:03,067 --> 01:06:04,098
What do you got?

1058
01:06:05,319 --> 01:06:08,522
Just a little pharmaceutical delight for later.

1059
01:06:09,614 --> 01:06:12,187
JACKSON: Stifler! You uncircumcised twat!

1060
01:06:12,283 --> 01:06:14,691
Jackson, you little-dicked motherfucker.

1061
01:06:14,786 --> 01:06:15,865
What is this?

1062
01:06:15,953 --> 01:06:17,328
It looks like some kind of E.

1063
01:06:17,413 --> 01:06:19,654
- Should we take it now?
- He said save it for later.

1064
01:06:19,748 --> 01:06:22,073
Fuck that!
I'm about to run naked through the streets.

1065
01:06:22,292 --> 01:06:24,249
I need all the drug-induced courage
I can get.

1066
01:06:27,172 --> 01:06:28,915
I'm so glad you guys decided to run.

1067
01:06:29,007 --> 01:06:30,750
You must work out.

1068
01:06:30,842 --> 01:06:32,964
Yeah, well, I play football.

1069
01:06:33,052 --> 01:06:35,128
I love football players.

1070
01:06:35,304 --> 01:06:37,296
Did anybody ever tell you
that you have a nice ass?

1071
01:06:38,307 --> 01:06:39,338
That guy's a prick!

1072
01:06:39,808 --> 01:06:42,215
Hey, Stifler, is this supposed
to be some pretty good E?

1073
01:06:42,644 --> 01:06:43,723
What E?

1074
01:06:44,229 --> 01:06:45,972
The pills you gave us.

1075
01:06:46,939 --> 01:06:48,434
Oh, shit! You retards.

1076
01:06:48,649 --> 01:06:51,816
That's not E.
It's that fucking four-hour hard-on drug.

1077
01:06:51,944 --> 01:06:53,853
- Oh, shit.
- DWIGHT: I scored some at the hospital.

1078
01:06:53,946 --> 01:06:56,401
I thought you limp-dicked
bitches could use some.

1079
01:06:56,740 --> 01:06:58,649
- Oh, God.
- Holy fuck, you didn't...

1080
01:06:58,742 --> 01:07:00,284
Holy shit!

1081
01:07:00,660 --> 01:07:04,871
I don't think I can talk this one down, man.
It's got a mind of its own.

1082
01:07:05,039 --> 01:07:07,612
Hey, do not run behind me. Okay?

1083
01:07:08,292 --> 01:07:10,865
It's... It's just that we thought that it was...

1084
01:07:10,961 --> 01:07:13,250
Honey, don't apologize.

1085
01:07:13,338 --> 01:07:15,414
Yeah, you guys are running with us.

1086
01:07:15,507 --> 01:07:19,635
Oh, man!
This is going to be the best Naked Mile ever!

1087
01:07:19,928 --> 01:07:21,172
Good evening...

1088
01:07:21,262 --> 01:07:23,171
(FEEDBACK SCREECHING)

1089
01:07:23,764 --> 01:07:25,139
(BEEPING)

1090
01:07:25,224 --> 01:07:26,303
Who is that guy?

1091
01:07:26,392 --> 01:07:30,140
That is big, bad Noah Levenstein.

1092
01:07:31,104 --> 01:07:35,184
The craziest bastard
this campus has ever known.

1093
01:07:35,275 --> 01:07:36,899
<i>My bad. My bad. Welcome to the Naked Mile.</i>

1094
01:07:36,985 --> 01:07:38,479
(ALL CHEERING)

1095
01:07:42,615 --> 01:07:45,236
<i>Yes, you know, when I started this race</i>
<i>many, many...</i>

1096
01:07:45,325 --> 01:07:47,318
Christ, he started this whole
thing back in the '60s.

1097
01:07:47,411 --> 01:07:50,577
<i>...many years ago.</i>
<i>It was just... Just a passive protest.</i>

1098
01:07:50,830 --> 01:07:54,958
<i>Just a way to "stick it</i>
<i>to the man," so to speak.</i>

1099
01:07:56,335 --> 01:07:58,126
<i>Right on. Right on.</i>

1100
01:07:58,671 --> 01:08:02,585
<i>But over the years,</i>
<i>it's become somewhat less political.</i>

1101
01:08:02,758 --> 01:08:06,043
<i>And now, it's just</i>

1102
01:08:06,136 --> 01:08:08,805
<i>some sort of Roman orgy,</i>

1103
01:08:09,055 --> 01:08:11,842
<i>which I'm down with, by the way.</i>

1104
01:08:12,266 --> 01:08:14,472
<i>But let's keep one thing in mind.</i>

1105
01:08:14,769 --> 01:08:19,181
<i>This is about</i>
<i>showing the world your youthful exuberance,</i>

1106
01:08:19,439 --> 01:08:22,855
<i>and your unabashed commitment</i>
<i>to higher learning,</i>

1107
01:08:22,943 --> 01:08:25,398
<i>and having fun while you're doing it,</i>

1108
01:08:25,487 --> 01:08:29,484
<i>which is where the naked part comes in.</i>

1109
01:08:29,574 --> 01:08:31,198
ALL: Yeah!

1110
01:08:35,162 --> 01:08:38,198
<i>And being completely naked is, of course,</i>

1111
01:08:38,290 --> 01:08:40,329
<i>a perfectly natural thing.</i>

1112
01:08:40,500 --> 01:08:44,200
<i>There's not one part of one's body</i>

1113
01:08:44,295 --> 01:08:46,501
<i>one should be ashamed of,</i>

1114
01:08:46,589 --> 01:08:51,215
<i>be it one's pubic region</i>

1115
01:08:51,385 --> 01:08:53,673
<i>or one's breasts,</i>

1116
01:08:54,012 --> 01:08:56,170
<i>as in the case with you young ladies...</i>

1117
01:08:56,389 --> 01:08:57,931
(ALL CHEERING)

1118
01:09:00,768 --> 01:09:04,184
<i>...and a couple of you young men.</i>

1119
01:09:06,690 --> 01:09:09,976
<i>But you should all just revel</i>
<i>in the glory of being seen</i>

1120
01:09:10,193 --> 01:09:12,316
<i>as the people you are.</i>

1121
01:09:12,529 --> 01:09:14,071
<i>Incidentally, if anyone has anything...</i>

1122
01:09:14,155 --> 01:09:16,148
Come on, let's fucking do this!

1123
01:09:19,577 --> 01:09:21,320
<i>I second that motion, young man.</i>

1124
01:09:21,620 --> 01:09:24,158
<i>Okay, everybody ready.</i>

1125
01:09:26,291 --> 01:09:27,951
<i>Get set...</i>

1126
01:09:57,695 --> 01:09:59,023
Still going?

1127
01:09:59,113 --> 01:10:00,986
You know it, baby. Hell, yeah!

1128
01:10:02,032 --> 01:10:03,905
You love the Boss Hogg!

1129
01:10:05,827 --> 01:10:07,285
(WHOOPING)

1130
01:10:20,924 --> 01:10:24,423
All right, yeah. Look at this.
Look at all these teats.

1131
01:10:24,510 --> 01:10:28,887
I'm adrift in a sea of boobies,
and my balls are scraping the pavement.

1132
01:10:28,973 --> 01:10:30,052
Oh, heads up.

1133
01:10:33,894 --> 01:10:35,767
Look, its the boner guys.

1134
01:10:37,022 --> 01:10:38,681
Nice cocks.

1135
01:10:38,773 --> 01:10:40,730
Oh, you got that right, sexy.

1136
01:10:40,817 --> 01:10:42,893
Dude, you have serious issues.

1137
01:11:25,941 --> 01:11:28,147
Hey, naked people only!

1138
01:11:28,234 --> 01:11:29,610
(LAUGHING)

1139
01:12:02,307 --> 01:12:03,967
Are you all right?

1140
01:12:04,058 --> 01:12:05,517
I'm fine.

1141
01:12:05,768 --> 01:12:07,808
Come on, sweetie. Let's finish this thing.

1142
01:12:17,445 --> 01:12:20,861
I'm standing at the finish
line of a very proud, but strange tradition

1143
01:12:20,949 --> 01:12:22,147
called the Naked Mile.

1144
01:12:22,241 --> 01:12:23,617
Ever year after exams

1145
01:12:23,701 --> 01:12:26,073
hundreds of students
run a mile through campus

1146
01:12:26,162 --> 01:12:28,201
in nothing more than their birthday suits.

1147
01:12:29,748 --> 01:12:31,326
(LAUGHING)

1148
01:12:32,459 --> 01:12:35,543
This is the greatest thing ever!

1149
01:12:35,628 --> 01:12:37,668
Hell, yeah!

1150
01:12:37,755 --> 01:12:39,878
I can't believe we did this!

1151
01:12:40,132 --> 01:12:43,382
Yeah! Naked Mile, baby!

1152
01:12:43,844 --> 01:12:46,002
Beta House fucking rules!

1153
01:12:52,894 --> 01:12:56,938
Come on, marathon men.
Let's get ready for the party.

1154
01:12:58,399 --> 01:13:00,391
I did it. I really did it.

1155
01:13:02,111 --> 01:13:05,064
Way to go, Coz. That's my cousin.

1156
01:13:06,490 --> 01:13:08,778
DWIGHT: Yeah, buddy!

1157
01:13:09,075 --> 01:13:11,068
Some people call it lewd behavior,

1158
01:13:11,244 --> 01:13:14,114
but the students say it's just
a good way to blow off steam.

1159
01:13:14,413 --> 01:13:15,528
And maybe,

1160
01:13:19,668 --> 01:13:20,948
<i>find love.</i>

1161
01:13:21,336 --> 01:13:23,874
<i>This is Hal Michaels,</i>
<i>reporting from the Naked Mile.</i>

1162
01:13:34,682 --> 01:13:36,721
(HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING)

1163
01:14:00,288 --> 01:14:03,123
Stifler has arrived!

1164
01:14:09,838 --> 01:14:11,546
(HOWLING)

1165
01:14:12,132 --> 01:14:13,840
Yeah! Yeah!

1166
01:14:15,135 --> 01:14:18,005
Holy shit! Is this even the same house?

1167
01:14:22,183 --> 01:14:24,970
I think I had a wet dream
that started like this.

1168
01:14:25,394 --> 01:14:26,639
It's those guys.

1169
01:14:31,942 --> 01:14:33,139
And ended like that.

1170
01:14:33,234 --> 01:14:34,563
Wow, taking those pills

1171
01:14:34,652 --> 01:14:37,653
might just be the best thing
you guys ever did for your social lives.

1172
01:14:37,738 --> 01:14:38,853
Oh, yeah.

1173
01:14:39,281 --> 01:14:40,361
You wanna dance?

1174
01:14:41,158 --> 01:14:44,693
Is my dick hard?
Of course the Cooze wants to dance.

1175
01:14:44,828 --> 01:14:46,156
(SCREAMS)

1176
01:14:47,664 --> 01:14:49,241
Are you gonna dance, sexy?

1177
01:14:49,332 --> 01:14:51,740
Or are you one of those
football players who's too cool to dance?

1178
01:14:51,834 --> 01:14:54,954
Oh, baby, they don't call me
the White Shadow for nothing.

1179
01:15:00,592 --> 01:15:02,086
Come on, cutie.

1180
01:15:02,719 --> 01:15:04,094
What a bastard.

1181
01:15:04,179 --> 01:15:07,429
I told you to call off
that stupid guilt-free pass.

1182
01:15:07,891 --> 01:15:10,049
I'm so sorry, honey.

1183
01:15:10,351 --> 01:15:12,225
Is there anything we can do for you?

1184
01:15:12,812 --> 01:15:14,887
No, I think I just want to be alone.

1185
01:15:14,980 --> 01:15:18,147
No way. We are not leaving you alone
so you can beat yourself up.

1186
01:15:18,233 --> 01:15:21,020
Yeah, but I told him to do it.
I mean, I can't get mad about it now.

1187
01:15:21,111 --> 01:15:24,064
Would you quit being so logical, Tracy?
We're girls.

1188
01:15:24,155 --> 01:15:26,444
Boys should know better
than to trust us to be rational.

1189
01:15:26,532 --> 01:15:27,611
It's not in our nature.

1190
01:15:27,700 --> 01:15:29,324
It's really not.

1191
01:15:29,410 --> 01:15:33,110
So, you are going to get dressed.

1192
01:15:33,205 --> 01:15:34,948
Then, we're going to Allison's party.

1193
01:15:35,540 --> 01:15:37,782
That will get your mind off of Erik.

1194
01:15:37,876 --> 01:15:39,536
I don't want to.

1195
01:15:39,627 --> 01:15:43,043
Well, you don't have a vote in this.
Now get dressed.

1196
01:15:55,350 --> 01:15:58,600
Check out our boy.
Think he's going to lose it tonight?

1197
01:15:58,686 --> 01:16:02,553
Nope. Bet he screws it up
and ends up jerking off in the bathroom.

1198
01:16:02,648 --> 01:16:04,226
I'll bet 20 bucks says he nails her.

1199
01:16:04,316 --> 01:16:05,395
(SCOFFS)

1200
01:16:05,484 --> 01:16:06,682
Oh, you're on.

1201
01:16:10,030 --> 01:16:12,022
Hey, hard-on brothers.

1202
01:16:12,115 --> 01:16:15,531
Do you guys have any idea how much
everybody here has been talking about you?

1203
01:16:15,618 --> 01:16:17,243
I was getting that feeling.

1204
01:16:17,328 --> 01:16:18,407
Yeah!

1205
01:16:19,455 --> 01:16:21,946
Okay, listen up, 'cause I got a plan

1206
01:16:22,041 --> 01:16:25,955
that's gonna make you guys legends.

1207
01:16:32,216 --> 01:16:33,960
Ladies and gentlemen!

1208
01:16:34,260 --> 01:16:38,672
Give a big Beta House welcome
to Ryan "Steel Rod" Grimm

1209
01:16:38,973 --> 01:16:43,800
and Mike "Everhard" Coozeman!

1210
01:16:43,894 --> 01:16:45,767
Yeah, Cooze!

1211
01:16:45,854 --> 01:16:47,348
(ALL CHEERING)

1212
01:16:49,649 --> 01:16:53,100
Tonight is the dawning of a new era

1213
01:16:53,194 --> 01:16:55,316
in meaningless male competition.

1214
01:16:55,404 --> 01:17:00,362
The Heavyweight Hard-On
Championship of the World!

1215
01:17:05,580 --> 01:17:08,071
For the first phase of the competition,

1216
01:17:08,166 --> 01:17:11,617
a bucket will be hung
on the dong of each of our contestants.

1217
01:17:11,710 --> 01:17:15,044
That bucket will be filled
with a pitcher of beer.

1218
01:17:15,130 --> 01:17:19,080
First person to drop the bucket is the loser.

1219
01:17:19,175 --> 01:17:20,551
(ALL BOOING)

1220
01:17:20,802 --> 01:17:22,841
So let the penis games begin!

1221
01:17:34,648 --> 01:17:37,981
Commence the pouring!

1222
01:17:44,198 --> 01:17:45,360
You like that?

1223
01:17:45,449 --> 01:17:46,860
Oh, yeah, baby!

1224
01:17:49,119 --> 01:17:50,578
(GROANING)

1225
01:18:05,050 --> 01:18:08,335
Oh, I am so sorry about that!

1226
01:18:12,098 --> 01:18:13,473
Still good.

1227
01:18:30,740 --> 01:18:32,981
Next competition.

1228
01:18:35,369 --> 01:18:37,326
The ring toss.

1229
01:18:37,871 --> 01:18:39,745
- Let's have it, girls.
- Come on.

1230
01:18:44,252 --> 01:18:46,624
That's right! On that penis!

1231
01:18:46,713 --> 01:18:48,705
Come on, baby, just like Six Flags.

1232
01:18:51,801 --> 01:18:53,176
Wrong head!

1233
01:18:57,472 --> 01:18:59,299
Ring around the cocksy.

1234
01:19:01,309 --> 01:19:03,432
You needed an extra inch on that one.

1235
01:19:13,153 --> 01:19:14,695
Can you believe this?

1236
01:19:15,614 --> 01:19:17,273
Do not let Cooze win.

1237
01:19:21,828 --> 01:19:23,737
Next competition!

1238
01:19:30,127 --> 01:19:32,499
I got a nine-inch strike zone, baby.

1239
01:19:32,587 --> 01:19:35,125
- You cocky prick.
- You can't miss it!

1240
01:19:40,928 --> 01:19:42,422
It's a hardball, son!

1241
01:19:42,513 --> 01:19:43,923
Hey, boner, boner, boner.

1242
01:19:44,473 --> 01:19:45,801
Swing, boner!

1243
01:19:45,891 --> 01:19:47,433
Deep center, baby!

1244
01:19:53,189 --> 01:19:54,897
Foul ball!

1245
01:20:09,078 --> 01:20:10,110
Bunt.

1246
01:20:20,797 --> 01:20:23,632
That is it. We're calling it a tie.

1247
01:20:23,717 --> 01:20:26,338
Your Co-Hard-on Champions of the World,

1248
01:20:26,427 --> 01:20:30,176
Ryan "Steel Rod" Grimm
and Mike "Everhard" Coozeman!

1249
01:20:30,431 --> 01:20:32,055
(ALL CHEERING)

1250
01:20:47,071 --> 01:20:51,400
Fifty-six, fifty-seven, fifty-eight, fifty-nine...

1251
01:20:56,663 --> 01:20:59,118
Who's the fuckin' champ, baby?

1252
01:22:18,153 --> 01:22:19,647
BROOKE: Boys are a bad influence.

1253
01:22:19,738 --> 01:22:23,023
I mean, you have no idea
what he's doing or who he's doing it with.

1254
01:22:23,116 --> 01:22:25,951
This guilt-free pass thing?
Completely ridiculous.

1255
01:22:26,035 --> 01:22:29,949
The bottom line is this. You two will never be
on the same level again.

1256
01:22:30,039 --> 01:22:33,454
You're a virgin and he's not.
It's just not gonna work.

1257
01:22:34,042 --> 01:22:36,118
So, what?
I'm supposed to break up with him?

1258
01:22:36,211 --> 01:22:38,915
No, but you need to get back
on the same level.

1259
01:22:40,381 --> 01:22:43,050
You need to sleep with somebody. Tonight.

1260
01:22:43,134 --> 01:22:45,257
- Brooke.
- Shut up, Natalie.

1261
01:22:45,344 --> 01:22:48,049
It's the only way.
Imagine a month from now,

1262
01:22:48,138 --> 01:22:49,882
you decide to do it with Erik.

1263
01:22:49,973 --> 01:22:54,101
All you're going to be thinking is that he's
already had sex with some other girl.

1264
01:22:54,185 --> 01:22:56,890
The relationship will not be
equal unless you do this.

1265
01:22:56,980 --> 01:22:59,470
Oh, look. There's Trent.

1266
01:23:01,233 --> 01:23:03,142
(HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING)

1267
01:23:05,279 --> 01:23:06,477
Perfect.

1268
01:23:16,747 --> 01:23:19,534
Hey, cool. A pool table. Do you play?

1269
01:23:20,876 --> 01:23:22,370
Sometimes.

1270
01:23:22,669 --> 01:23:24,543
Well, what do you want to play?

1271
01:23:24,630 --> 01:23:25,958
I don't care.

1272
01:23:26,047 --> 01:23:30,045
Okay. Well, how about nine-ball?
Look, nine-ball.

1273
01:23:30,385 --> 01:23:34,003
It's... It's easy. You just have to get the balls
in order from one through nine.

1274
01:23:34,096 --> 01:23:38,841
I'll show you. I'll break right now.
You'll be good at it.

1275
01:23:41,561 --> 01:23:42,972
- Erik.
- Yeah.

1276
01:23:43,063 --> 01:23:44,343
(CRASHING)

1277
01:23:45,940 --> 01:23:47,316
Come here.

1278
01:24:02,247 --> 01:24:06,955
This is special to you, right?
I mean, this weekend, this night?

1279
01:24:08,044 --> 01:24:09,538
- Erik?
- Yes?

1280
01:24:09,837 --> 01:24:12,244
This is sex, not Shakespeare.

1281
01:24:13,882 --> 01:24:17,085
Are you sure you want to?
Because I doubt I'll be very good.

1282
01:24:17,177 --> 01:24:20,296
Don't worry.
I know how to handle guys like you.

1283
01:24:21,472 --> 01:24:22,753
Guys like me?

1284
01:24:22,849 --> 01:24:24,426
Virgins.

1285
01:24:24,725 --> 01:24:26,848
I can take care of virgins.

1286
01:24:28,270 --> 01:24:30,761
You mean, I'm not your first virgin?

1287
01:24:31,273 --> 01:24:33,479
I have a bit of a confession.

1288
01:24:34,567 --> 01:24:37,438
Some girls like blonds, some like muscles.

1289
01:24:38,780 --> 01:24:40,322
I like virgins.

1290
01:24:42,616 --> 01:24:45,072
Are you ready for a special night?

1291
01:24:47,496 --> 01:24:49,239
(HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING)

1292
01:25:01,508 --> 01:25:05,292
Hey there, beautiful.
Didn't expect to see you here tonight.

1293
01:25:05,721 --> 01:25:08,425
I came to apologize.
I heard about what happened,

1294
01:25:08,515 --> 01:25:12,097
and I wanted to let you know
that I didn't know anything about it.

1295
01:25:12,185 --> 01:25:14,510
You're not just here to set me up?

1296
01:25:14,604 --> 01:25:18,103
I would never want
to let anything happen to that gorgeous face.

1297
01:25:20,484 --> 01:25:24,149
You sure you're supposed
to be dancing on enemy territory like this?

1298
01:25:24,237 --> 01:25:27,902
I dance where I want, with who I want.

1299
01:25:29,617 --> 01:25:31,277
I like your style.

1300
01:25:33,412 --> 01:25:34,871
And your ass.

1301
01:25:48,301 --> 01:25:50,507
You know, I don't usually go for

1302
01:25:50,594 --> 01:25:53,761
suburban, jock, Abercrombie clones,

1303
01:25:53,889 --> 01:25:56,558
- but there is something about you.
- Yeah?

1304
01:25:56,641 --> 01:26:00,425
Well, I tend to have
that effect on pacifist, vegan bisexuals.

1305
01:26:11,029 --> 01:26:13,520
This guy's got good taste.

1306
01:26:13,907 --> 01:26:17,026
You sure you're up for this
after that little incident downstairs?

1307
01:26:17,118 --> 01:26:21,945
They don't call me "Everhard" because
I've only got one bullet in the chamber.

1308
01:26:22,039 --> 01:26:23,866
But just to be sure...

1309
01:26:24,416 --> 01:26:26,741
Should you be taking more of that?

1310
01:26:26,877 --> 01:26:30,459
More? I didn't take it the first time.

1311
01:26:32,507 --> 01:26:34,630
- You mean...
- That's right, baby.

1312
01:26:34,717 --> 01:26:37,290
We're gonna have a good time tonight.

1313
01:26:39,096 --> 01:26:44,007
Now get your worthless ass
on the bed, you peasant.

1314
01:26:44,726 --> 01:26:46,102
Excuse me?

1315
01:26:46,186 --> 01:26:48,178
I said, get on the bed

1316
01:26:48,271 --> 01:26:50,228
you worthless peasant!

1317
01:26:51,191 --> 01:26:54,191
What is your problem?
Whoa, what's that? What...

1318
01:26:54,277 --> 01:26:57,194
- Oh, God!
- I said, get on the bed,

1319
01:26:57,947 --> 01:27:00,022
and I meant it.

1320
01:27:01,617 --> 01:27:05,068
Oh, yeah, baby. I get it.

1321
01:27:06,162 --> 01:27:07,787
And I'm into it.

1322
01:27:08,665 --> 01:27:09,863
Shut up!

1323
01:27:10,124 --> 01:27:11,618
(SCREAMING)

1324
01:27:13,127 --> 01:27:15,618
All right! All right! All right!

1325
01:27:33,604 --> 01:27:34,849
Brandy.

1326
01:27:36,148 --> 01:27:39,931
Look, I can't do this. I'm really sorry, okay?

1327
01:27:40,360 --> 01:27:42,399
I mean, you're really gorgeous
and really cool,

1328
01:27:42,487 --> 01:27:44,812
and I'm sure that every single
guy on this planet

1329
01:27:44,906 --> 01:27:47,823
would love to sleep with you, including me.

1330
01:27:48,158 --> 01:27:49,818
But I just can't.

1331
01:27:52,037 --> 01:27:53,448
I'm in love.

1332
01:27:56,958 --> 01:27:59,709
I hope this girl knows how lucky she is.

1333
01:27:59,794 --> 01:28:01,253
I seriously doubt that.

1334
01:28:12,555 --> 01:28:15,675
Got to say it again. It's a very nice surprise.

1335
01:28:16,684 --> 01:28:18,262
What can I say? I'm full of them.

1336
01:28:18,352 --> 01:28:19,681
So, what about Erik?

1337
01:28:20,688 --> 01:28:23,143
We're on a weekend guilt-free pass.

1338
01:28:23,690 --> 01:28:26,228
We can do anything we want.

1339
01:28:26,610 --> 01:28:28,318
Anything?

1340
01:28:28,612 --> 01:28:29,643
Anything.

1341
01:28:29,738 --> 01:28:31,148
I like the sound of that.

1342
01:28:48,004 --> 01:28:49,249
Is this your room?

1343
01:28:49,339 --> 01:28:51,960
Why, yes, it is, my diminutive goddess.

1344
01:28:53,467 --> 01:28:57,215
Good, because we are going to need

1345
01:28:57,304 --> 01:28:59,095
a little bit of privacy.

1346
01:29:03,685 --> 01:29:05,345
(MOANING)

1347
01:29:10,107 --> 01:29:13,310
That's it, you pathetic slave. Keep doing that.

1348
01:29:14,236 --> 01:29:16,691
Don't you think this is
getting a little out of hand?

1349
01:29:16,780 --> 01:29:19,781
Oh, you haven't even seen
"out of hand" yet.

1350
01:29:19,866 --> 01:29:21,574
I didn't mean we had to stop.

1351
01:29:21,659 --> 01:29:25,277
Oh, we're not stopping.
We're just getting started.

1352
01:29:26,414 --> 01:29:28,240
You ready to get kinky?

1353
01:29:28,332 --> 01:29:30,289
Whoa, this isn't kinky yet?

1354
01:29:31,168 --> 01:29:32,710
Not even close.

1355
01:29:36,923 --> 01:29:38,666
What is that noise?

1356
01:29:40,760 --> 01:29:41,839
(MOANING)

1357
01:29:44,180 --> 01:29:45,757
(ENGINE SPUTTERING)

1358
01:29:46,140 --> 01:29:47,634
What the hell?

1359
01:29:53,730 --> 01:29:55,722
You got to be kidding me.

1360
01:30:16,250 --> 01:30:17,661
(HORSE SNUFFLING)

1361
01:30:25,175 --> 01:30:27,666
So, you wanna go upstairs?

1362
01:30:30,263 --> 01:30:32,800
Yeah, I do.

1363
01:30:40,480 --> 01:30:42,058
(DOORBELL RINGING)

1364
01:30:45,944 --> 01:30:47,319
(PANTING)

1365
01:30:47,737 --> 01:30:50,773
Hi, Mr. Sterling. Is Tracy home?

1366
01:30:51,365 --> 01:30:53,488
Hello, Erik. No, she's not.

1367
01:30:53,701 --> 01:30:56,737
She's gone to a party
with Brooke and Natalie.

1368
01:30:56,828 --> 01:30:57,859
Oh.

1369
01:30:58,872 --> 01:31:01,872
Okay. Well, sorry to disturb you, then.

1370
01:31:02,041 --> 01:31:03,286
Have a good night!

1371
01:31:07,963 --> 01:31:09,707
Crazy little fucker.

1372
01:31:15,053 --> 01:31:17,460
We gotta find Tracy. We gotta find Tracy.

1373
01:31:17,555 --> 01:31:20,011
We gotta find Tracy.
Where the fuck is Tracy?

1374
01:31:20,600 --> 01:31:23,850
I don't think sex has to be just one-on-one.

1375
01:31:23,936 --> 01:31:24,967
(HORSE NEIGHING)

1376
01:31:25,062 --> 01:31:26,556
What the hell?

1377
01:31:28,440 --> 01:31:31,394
Tracy!

1378
01:31:33,028 --> 01:31:34,059
Hey!

1379
01:31:37,698 --> 01:31:38,861
Trace!

1380
01:31:39,200 --> 01:31:40,694
What the hell are you doing here?

1381
01:31:40,785 --> 01:31:42,658
And on a horse!

1382
01:31:42,870 --> 01:31:44,862
Where's Tracy? I have to see her.

1383
01:31:44,955 --> 01:31:47,706
We think it's best if you just leave her alone.

1384
01:31:47,791 --> 01:31:49,250
What? Why?

1385
01:31:49,334 --> 01:31:52,204
Because we know about
your little sorority slut.

1386
01:31:52,295 --> 01:31:56,162
- What are you talking about?
- She saw you kiss that girl on TV.

1387
01:31:56,632 --> 01:32:00,297
Shit. Wait a second. So what?
I was on a guilt-free pass.

1388
01:32:00,386 --> 01:32:03,090
Wake up, Erik. There is no such thing.

1389
01:32:04,139 --> 01:32:05,170
Where is Tracy?

1390
01:32:05,265 --> 01:32:09,345
Oh, we gave Tracy a guilt-free pass,
and she's using it right now.

1391
01:32:13,397 --> 01:32:15,390
Tracy! Trace!

1392
01:32:19,861 --> 01:32:22,696
Hey, hey. Tracy Sterling.
Have you seen her?

1393
01:32:22,781 --> 01:32:25,947
I think she went upstairs with Trent a little...

1394
01:32:26,409 --> 01:32:27,572
Tracy!

1395
01:32:29,370 --> 01:32:30,568
Tracy.

1396
01:32:35,042 --> 01:32:36,785
(WOMAN MOANING)

1397
01:32:36,877 --> 01:32:39,664
Trace, can you hear me? Are you in there?

1398
01:32:39,879 --> 01:32:42,714
Trace, if you can hear me, I am sorry.

1399
01:32:42,799 --> 01:32:44,922
I am really sorry about everything, okay?

1400
01:32:45,009 --> 01:32:48,259
I know you gave me this pass,
but I didn't use it.

1401
01:32:48,429 --> 01:32:50,801
I mean I did use it,
but it was only for a few seconds.

1402
01:32:50,889 --> 01:32:54,175
I couldn't go through with it,
so I came here looking for you, okay?

1403
01:32:54,267 --> 01:32:57,517
Look, I don't care about the sex.
I really don't.

1404
01:32:58,229 --> 01:33:01,064
It's not the most important thing. You are.

1405
01:33:01,607 --> 01:33:03,516
Trace, I love you.

1406
01:33:05,069 --> 01:33:06,646
Can you hear me? I love you!

1407
01:33:06,737 --> 01:33:09,488
Do you mind? I'm trying to get laid here.

1408
01:33:12,492 --> 01:33:14,485
TRACY: You rode
a horse for me?

1409
01:33:23,836 --> 01:33:26,920
When I heard her, I thought...

1410
01:33:28,006 --> 01:33:29,999
I couldn't do it, either.

1411
01:33:33,595 --> 01:33:35,219
I love you, too.

1412
01:33:48,691 --> 01:33:50,483
(ALL CHEERING)

1413
01:34:03,038 --> 01:34:04,366
Should we?

1414
01:34:19,511 --> 01:34:21,883
(BIRTHDAY SONG PLAYING)

1415
01:34:57,420 --> 01:34:58,997
(VIBRATOR BUZZING)

1416
01:35:14,018 --> 01:35:16,058
I'm telling you, man.
I parked the car right here.

1417
01:35:16,145 --> 01:35:20,225
Well, obviously, you didn't,
because then it would be right here.

1418
01:35:20,983 --> 01:35:22,643
Where the hell is Erik?

1419
01:35:22,734 --> 01:35:26,399
Dude, I don't even know
where my underwear is.

1420
01:35:28,156 --> 01:35:29,436
Somebody call a taxi?

1421
01:35:29,532 --> 01:35:30,991
Where the fuck did you go?

1422
01:35:31,075 --> 01:35:32,190
To get some breakfast.

1423
01:35:32,285 --> 01:35:34,361
Oh, sweet. I'm starving.

1424
01:35:39,666 --> 01:35:40,947
(GROANING)

1425
01:35:41,668 --> 01:35:43,127
I take it you guys had a good night.

1426
01:35:43,211 --> 01:35:45,204
Oh, completely out of hand, bro.

1427
01:35:45,296 --> 01:35:46,956
Where are the girls?

1428
01:35:47,048 --> 01:35:50,997
They all split this morning. Said they had to
drive to State for some big party.

1429
01:35:51,093 --> 01:35:52,718
That must make you feel pretty special.

1430
01:35:52,803 --> 01:35:55,175
"Special"? Who cares about special?

1431
01:35:55,264 --> 01:35:57,386
All I care about is the sex.

1432
01:35:57,474 --> 01:36:01,518
And, baby, I had plenty. Yeah.

1433
01:36:01,978 --> 01:36:04,813
And just how out of hand
was this sex, Cooze?

1434
01:36:04,897 --> 01:36:07,388
I don't wanna talk about it. Ever.

1435
01:36:09,735 --> 01:36:14,444
Speaking of which,
did you seal the deal with that Brandy chick?

1436
01:36:16,950 --> 01:36:18,230
No.

1437
01:36:18,326 --> 01:36:20,283
I told you. Pay up.

1438
01:36:21,037 --> 01:36:23,824
But I did have sex with Tracy last night.

1439
01:36:28,127 --> 01:36:29,325
What are you talking about?

1440
01:36:29,420 --> 01:36:30,878
Tracy.

1441
01:36:31,213 --> 01:36:33,704
I drove home
in the middle of the night, I ran out of gas,

1442
01:36:33,798 --> 01:36:37,001
stole a horse, rode over to Allison's party...

1443
01:36:37,093 --> 01:36:39,251
- We had sex in the guest room.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa!

1444
01:36:39,345 --> 01:36:41,053
- You stole a horse?
- Yup.

1445
01:36:41,138 --> 01:36:42,965
A real horse?
Like the kind you ride and shit?

1446
01:36:43,057 --> 01:36:44,467
Yeah, a real horse.

1447
01:36:44,558 --> 01:36:45,838
That's fucking fantastic.

1448
01:36:45,934 --> 01:36:47,761
I didn't think you had the
balls for something like that.

1449
01:36:47,853 --> 01:36:50,344
- Neither did I.
- Where did you find a horse?

1450
01:36:50,438 --> 01:36:52,597
Are there horses in Great Falls?

1451
01:36:54,776 --> 01:36:56,234
Proud of you,

1452
01:36:57,236 --> 01:36:58,434
Stifler.

1453
01:36:59,989 --> 01:37:03,073
Thanks, man. I appreciate it.
But call me Erik.

1454
01:37:11,916 --> 01:37:14,833
- RYAN: So, how do you feel?
- Best night of my entire life.

1455
01:37:14,919 --> 01:37:17,326
COOZE: See you in a year,
college pussy!

1456
01:37:33,519 --> 01:37:35,262
Mail call, bitches.

1457
01:37:36,855 --> 01:37:38,018
Scooter.

1458
01:37:39,191 --> 01:37:40,389
Scratchy.

1459
01:37:41,484 --> 01:37:42,682
Tripod.

1460
01:37:48,032 --> 01:37:49,111
What the hell?

1461
01:37:49,200 --> 01:37:50,658
What is it, man?

1462
01:37:51,619 --> 01:37:53,077
I don't know.

1463
01:38:04,964 --> 01:38:07,040
<i>Smile for the camera, baby.</i>

1464
01:38:15,432 --> 01:38:18,101
Oh, man. That is fucked up.

1465
01:38:21,020 --> 01:38:22,514
Stifler!